AMERICAN IDOL NIGHT 18: TOP 8 MEN PERFORM!!

So we've slogged through the women's performances last night, with some good and some bad, and now it's time for this year's real talent: the men! After a slow start this year, the men have really started to shine this year, and it's a close bet which gender will end up with top honors!

So stay tuned for yet another critique!

The guys are ready to go. Seacrest is wearing a tie tonight for two nights in a row. Wow. The girls are all gussied up and ready to give the guys possibly more credit than they deserve. The judges are seated and ready to give the guys possibly less credit than they deserve.

Gedeon McKinney is painting when he's not singing. He. has. combined. a. record. with. the. world. in. his. stupid. painting. I hate it when he talks. He's singing Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman," and I have to give him credit for a solid vocal. He still preens and prances like an epileptic peacock, but I can't fault his performance tonight. Randy likes the fact that he sings songs for older people, despite how much Randy has emphasized singing songs for younger people this year. Could we get just a little bit of consistency here? Paula Parrot enjoys his work. Simon thinks he's odd. Y'know, Gedeon talks better when he's live than when he's pre-recorded, so maybe it's not a problem with him talking as much as it's a problem with him reading cue cards during these pre-scripted Idol "moments." Gedeon has grown on Simon, and tonight, he's grown on me. Gedeon tries to put to rest the gay rumors about him by describing how suave he is with the ladies, citing as a major example of this his mother and grandmother. That's cute and yet wrong on so many levels. Still, though, I'm actually going to vote for Gedeon tonight. 1 866 IDOLS 01

After the break, Kevin and Chris...

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Chris Daughtry used to have hair! Then he started going bald and said forget it. It didn't work for me, but then again, I have an odd shaped head and look like a cancer patient when I shave my head. Chris is singing a duet song originally done by Seether and Amy Lee. This song is made for two people, not one, unfortunately. It's not hitting me the right way. Last week was much better, and the vocals are slacking off a bit this week. What is Chris going to do when he gets to the theme nights and out of the rock music genre? Honestly, if I were Chris, I'd be taking that job with Fuel, like, now! Randy thinks Chris is ready and that it was a good performance. Paula thinks that Chris stays true to who he is. Simon looks like he's going to disagree. Simon is bored by the whole performance and thinks he needs to broaden his range. The other judges poo-poo Simon's opinion. All this being said, I still like Chris. Ryan tries to help Chris out. Chris should be through to the top 12, regardless of tonight's performance. Ryan calls Chris "baldy." 1 866 IDOLS 02

Kevin Covais talks of his love of rapping to Kanye West music. I don't even want to hear it. Kevin looks about as scared as a third grader going over to the sixth grade bully's house. I don't know what he's singing, but it's not very good. He's clipping his notes, and this slow song is exposing his every vocal imperfection. I mean, it's not all THAT bad, but it's nothing that I like either. Randy compliments his voice and inducts him into the Dogg Pound for all eternity. Paula thinks the ballad was a good choice and that Kevin is sincere. Simon stares at her as though he's about to rip Kevin apart. Simon gives Kevin the granny vote. Ryan had a dream about Simon last night, and let the homo-erotic jokes begin! Ryan accuses Simon of never giving constructive criticism, though I think he missed a couple of judges in making that call. I like Kevin, but I can't see him making it much further. 1 866 IDOLS 03

After the break, Bucky goes country...wait, can you go there if that's where you've been all along??

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Taylor Hicks gets his pimp on, despite the fact that he is not singing next.

Bucky Covington has an identical twin brother, and it's scary that the world has room for that much ugly. Bucky continues to pigeonhole himself in the country music genre. Don't get me wrong, Bucky would make an amazing country music star, but that's more Nashville Star than American Idol. His performance has energy, and I like his vocal tone, but he doesn't have that X-Factor. Randy likes that Bucky is who he is. If Randy didn't like this contestant, Randy would probably say this was a safe selection. Paula likes his lack of pretentiousness. Simon thinks this was a good performance for a bar, but not for Idol. Rocky, Bucky's brother, gets some stage time for the last time in his life. 1 866 IDOLS 04

After the break, Will Makar...

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Will Makar is studying Japanese, and he issues a rallying call for all eleven year old Japanese girls to vote for him. Do these people realize that the camera is on? In the same way that the camera adds fifteen pounds, it also takes away fifteen I.Q. points. When you say something stupid, it's going to sound REALLY stupid. I don't care how he sings; I just want him to go home this week. He's singing an uptempo version of James Taylor's "How Sweet It Is," but I'm just not buying the vocals. He keeps singing songs by very stylized artists. The songs just don't sound right coming from him. I just didn't like it. Isn't it funny how the contestants try to talk ghetto to Randy? You're right; it's not. Randy says it was way below average. Paula totally disagrees. Paula and her granny flaps are a fan. Randy shakes his head. Paula is obviously on drugs. Simon insults Paula and agrees with Randy, saying that the performance was completely average. Ryan advocates for Will. Johnnie Cochran, Ryan is not. 1 866 IDOLS 05

After the break, Taylor and Elliott...

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Resident spaz, Taylor Hicks is wearing his Easter Bunny costume. Okay, Taylor has officially been consumed by his schtick. He sounds a bit sharp tonight. He stares into the camera with his cheeks puffed up like a bullfrog. This is a good song for him though. I love his energy, and he is quite obviously leaving it ALL on the stage tonight. What a high power performance! Randy says it was a great song choice and that the dancing was...something. Paula is going to use Taylor's dancing in her next choreography assignment. She was blown away, but in fairness, Paula gets blown away by a butterfly fart. Simon thinks Taylor put in his best performance so far. Ryan calls Taylor's head toss Taylor's signature move, which would be accurate if it weren't already Ray Charles signature move. 1 866 IDOLS 06

Elliott Yamin is almost completely deaf in one ear. Talk about someone who has overcome some adversity! Eat that, Kellie Pickler! Elliott is singing Bryan Adams' "Heaven." The band is overpowering him just a little bit, but again, his vocal is good. It's not wowing me like his previous performances, but there's still nothing wrong with it. I like Elliott quite a bit. Randy thinks Elliott was hot, and he wants to make a record with him and Mariah right here tonight. Paula spills her rum and coke all over the table, nearly dousing her painkillers. Simon thinks Elliott's song was a cop-out. I'll agree that it wasn't his best, but it was by no means bad. 1 866 IDOLS 07

After the break, Ace will show us his new beanie...

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Ace Young is handy around the house ladies. Ace touches himself a lot tonight. Apparently, Ace learned nothing from Sway, and is going for a lot of falsetto, which means that he is going to be shrill and shrieky tonight. There are a couple moments where Ace strains for the note, but otherwise, it's sort of alright. I wish Ace would do something else on stage beside staring at the camera and trying to molest us with his eyes. Randy thinks it was hot. Paula says she did better than Michael Jackson. Simon thinks parts of the vocal weren't all that great, but that Ace made it work. 1 866 IDOLS 08

All told, tonight's performances were MUCH stronger than the girls performances.

Tomorrow night, it's time to say goodbye to four more contestants!

MY PREDICTIONS:

Who will be safe (but still vote for them): Gedeon, Chris, Bucky, Taylor, Elliott, and Ace

Who will go home: The kids aren't alright tonight. Kevin and Will.