There's so much noise out there. Music, car horns, people the next apartment over, dogs barking, TVs blaring...all of it comes together into one big cacophony that is life. And some of the noise out there is not so much something that's audible; rather, it's something that just sort of clouds one's mind and makes one less aware of one's own surroundings. With all the noise, sometimes we tune out important things.
Here lately, things have been all noise for me.
Still, one clear but small voice caught my attention in all the din. The voice belongs to someone who I believe to be beautiful from the inside out. She doesn't say these things outright, but leading by example, she has pointed out a few things to me.
It's difficult to know what I should do when trying to make this blog the best it could be. First of all, I want it to be good, because I want it to represent me well. If somebody reads things here, I want them to think of me as a good writer, occasionally witty, occasionally deeply introspective, and occasionally a mix of all of the above. I'll be the first to admit that I floundered a bit at the beginning, but with the beginning of this season of American Idol, I hit my stride. This blog owes a lot to that show.
Unfortunately, live-blogging of Idol has come between me and other commitments that I promised myself a long time ago I would keep. The show has inadvertently become exactly what its name indicates: an idol. I have missed out on opportunities to be with others who want me to be among them and fellowship with them, and I've missed too many opportunities to feed myself both emotionally and spiritually. I've prided myself on live-blogging each event, and I feel like I've done a good job. I've rationalized it by saying that I'm trying to build up a good writing portfolio. But these posts have come at a cost, and I've sacrificed things that my soul yearns to be doing in order to bring commentary to you live.
So tonight I looked myself in the mirror, then I looked at the TV show that has been monopolizing my evenings. I can't justify it any more. I have priorities, and this TV show (and it is but that, no more and no less) must move out of the way of other priorities.
Don't get me wrong. I'll still bring you recaps of each show, but they will no longer be posted live. Rather, I will be pre-recording the show and giving you my analysis after the fact. You'll still get the same comments and smart remarks, but I'll just be giving them to you at a later hour, or possibly even the next day. There's just some things I have to do first. Stick around. This blog is here to stay, but in order to be the best person I can (and therefore, hopefully, the best writer I can be) I need to take care of some things for myself.
To Emily: Thanks. I owe you more for these last few weeks than I can ever repay.