Saturday, August 05, 2006


If you look down the list of my American Idol interviews, you'll find several names of very interesting and dynamic singers. But not one of them has touched my heart or moved me like Mikalah Gordon.

Meek is a unique person. We've only been friends for a short time, but already we've had conversations that mean so much. She's the last person on Idol that I ever thought I'd take a personal liking to. But now that I'm getting to know her, I respect her so much as a person, and I applaud her for the things she's been able to do.

Because of Mikalah, you can expect my coverage of American Idol to change this year. It will be a challenge to keep things funny without making fun of people, but I cannot and will not be part of the ugliness that has caused such heartache to such wonderful people anymore. I will urge you all to be kinder as well. These people are human beings just like we are. And as such, they deserve respect, and not the abuse that so many bloggers and commenters, including myself, have dished out on Mikalah, Kellie Pickler, or any number of other contestants.

This interview will be a little different. Mikalah had a message she needed to get out to the world. So rather than me talking, I stepped back and let Mikalah pour her heart out to me. What follows are the words straight from her mouth. They moved me to tears. If it touches you or helps you in any way, I encourage all of you to leave a comment for her. She appreciates your support and encouragement more than you know. If you have something negative to say, I encourage you to keep it to yourself. Before you post anything about a fellow human being, step back and consider whether you would like somebody else to say it about you.

And now, without further adieu, Mikalah:

First of all, J.D., whether you liked me or not on American Idol, what you're doing is so amazing. Because before all the little fame I may have or bling I think I own, I am just a human being. A young one at that. And for someone to have my back and just listen to me because I am just a young girl and nothing else...that will touch my heart for the rest of my life.

When I was a little girl, I remember being in class and my teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. Rather than being a doctor or a fire fighter or a lawyer, I said I wanted to be famous. I wanted to be famous so I could touch people's lives in a big way.

All I want to do is send a message to kids my age.

When I was twelve years old, I started going through a rough stage. The fact that my parents were divorced and the feeling of not belonging and having to choose sides with my parents began to take a toll on my life. By the time I was fourteen I had cut off all my hair, dyed it every color, and pierced every body part possible. To be honest, I was very screwed up. I also had a hideous social life. Because I was so different and had such little self esteem, nobody liked me, and I belonged nowhere.

My own family had given up on me. I realize today they just didn't understand me and didn't know how to deal with me. I felt very alone and very scared. For the next two years, I changed schools several times and became a high school flunk. I had also changed my appearance many times and still was not fitting in with anybody. I hated everybody: my family, my friends, my teachers. Because, in reality, I hated myself.

When American Idol came around, I felt like it was an opportunity that could save my life. I remember going to the first audition. I had no support and nobody believing in me. On top of that, my mother, who was the only person i truly loved, was very sick and had been in and out of the hospital. I figured American Idol could not only save me but could save my family. And that they would finally accept me. During the stages of American Idol, I again changed many times. I think what people don't understand is that at the age of sixteen you are still finding yourself. You really don't know who you are, and you will do anything for a little attention.

After American Idol, I still felt lost, and I didn't understand why I couldn't just be happy. On top of that, I received hideous hate mail, and going back home to Vegas was not any better. The girlfriends I thought I made no longer befriended me. Instead they talked behind my back with horrible rumors and, in the end, completely cut me off. I felt lost yet again. And I still felt like I couldn't be accepted for who I was.

I guess I can no longer blame anybody for their dislike for me, because I didn't know who I was either. When I had the opportunity to move out to California, I hopped on the first plane that would take me on board. The perfect escape.

Rather than things getting better, they got even worse. My problems had followed me and were now only a footstep away. For one whole year I cried. Funny, I still do sometimes. I was confused and scared. I suppose Hollywood is not all its cracked up to be. I just wanted the same woman that I had pushed away for six years. My mommy. And now she was many miles away.

So I had to grow up. I either could grow up and work on myself or die from the excruciating pain I felt. So I decided to grow up.

I realize I don't have to fit in with everybody. I realized I don't have to always be the center of attention. I realize people are allowed to make mistakes. I realize those same high school and middle school friends would come and go, and that I shouldn't have based my life around what people said about me, because surprise! not everyone is going to like you.

I learned to love my parents. I realize they were only tring to protect and love me to the best of their ability. And I guess the saddest part is that I knew it all along. i just knew the "cool" thing to do was fight with them because my "friends" said that it was.

But most of all I learned and am still struggling to love myself.

I always thought singing and acting would substitute my pain of unhappiness, and when it didn't, I was angry. I was even angry at American Idol for a long time. But how can you be happy with anything or anybody unless you're happy with yourself and are capable of loving yourself?? That is my struggle today and has been for a very long time. Self acceptance.

No one said this life was easy, or that you or I were perfect, but I think having someone or something to relate to helps. Above anybody or anything, just love your whole self. And when you do, everything and everyone who is supposed to be in your life will fall right into place. And remember, everything, and I mean everything, happens for a reason.

And whatever you decide to do in life, believe that you are more than capable of accomplishing it. You just have to believe in yourself, because nobody else will do it for you.

I hope this is helpful. And whether you loved me or hated me, I'm just a young adult. Wow, that's crazy to trying to find myself.

Peace and love to you, J.D., and to everyone out there listening.

--Mikalah Gordon


At 11:05 PM, Anonymous Michelle said...

*deep breath*

After knowing Mikalah for almost 2 years and knowing she went through a rough time but never realizing that it was to this extent and I am very close with her... I don't know how to express what I'm feeling. I'm heart broken, hysterical, and want nothing more than to be on a red eye to LA right now to give her the biggest hug ever.

I love you Mikalah, no matter what, no matter how, no matter when something happens I will be there for you, through thick through thin through everything.

<3 Michelle

At 11:07 PM, Blogger Bishop Stylze said...

I'm touched... First of all I'd like to thank J.D. for making me aware of this interview and taking on the responsibility to bring more interviews that build us up and empower us rather than tearing us down.
Mikalah... I'm pleased to know that you have taken the gifts you have recieved and have chosen to use them as a tool for others to be inspired. Your true power is in loving yourself, then taking that love that is so beautiful, and giving it to others. The industry that we have chosen to be professionals of can tear us appart if we are not strong and stand for not only who we are in the deepest parts of our hearts and souls, but as well as for what we believe in.
You are a powerful woman who I know in the future will have a possitive influence on many lives. Keep doing YOU Love, and like Pac said, "Keep your head up."

Much Love,

Bishop Stylze
"BrokeNote Cowboy"
Season 5

At 11:27 PM, Blogger larry said...

mikalah is a awesome person and for me i should know since i did hear from her this week as well.i think its cool that jd is able to interview these people so they can give their insight as to what they went through not only on the show but also to let fans know whats going on with them even after they leave the show and i know mikalah knows i have her back and i think she will get through this and hopefully will be able to focus on making a album.

At 11:42 PM, Anonymous April Walsh said...


Thanks for pointing me to this. You grow as an interviewer daily and it's wonderful to see.


As a fan, I watched Season 4 and was always impressed with your moxie. (don't ya love that word? I do. Anyway...) It's hard to believe so much pain was under all that, but I relate. I also was coming off a painful year when I auditioned for Idol. I know the feeling of reading hurtful things and finding that people you thought of as friends weren't really there for you. But you are very strong now.

I saw you at some of the tapings working your ass off and interviewing everyone and, when I met you at that finale party at the Roosevelt (I was the Chardonnay-swilling girl in the nautical dress), you were very sweet. I was impressed with your poise and how open and artless you were. You are the three things I think everyone in this business should be: hard-working, down-to-earth, and a bucket of talent.

So you keep moving on up and know that there are many people wishing you good things.


At 12:19 AM, Anonymous Dennis said...


When we met in Lindsey C's hometown of Ponchatoula last year I had no idea that you could have possible been sad or hurting in any way. Your personality was bubbly, you were always smiling, and you were absolutely one of the nicest people I have ever met. It hurts me now to know that you were hurting then. However, I can understand, I have never had high self esteem, or really been happy in life, myself. But understanding is only one reason that I wish you peace of mind, peace of heart, and happiness... there are so many reasons to wish you happiness... but I guess mostly, simply because, you are you... and we love ya!

PS -- Thanks J.D.

At 12:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're truely an amazing person, thanks for sharing this bit of your life with us. I, like Michelle, didn't know about this rough patch you went through. I'm glad you're now able to share it and let others know they are not alone.


At 1:24 AM, Anonymous Jessica said...

Hey Mikalah,

I'm so glad that you were given this opportunity to voice your struggles because I think more people than you know are and have dealt with the same thing, including me. It's very easy to put on a smile and act like everything's just fine, at least that's what I did and still do. But I just remember so many times looking at people and thinking to myself if they only knew. If they could only feel for 5 minutes what I feel everyday. You get to the point where you feel like it is only you that's going through that, especially in high school. I went to 3 different schools in 2 years. And in every one of them it was like you're either a cheerleader or jock or nerd or whatever category you fell into. I never felt like I belonged in any of those though. I was definitely a floater. I hung out with anyone in school but outside of it I was a loner. I know you just graduated and I did too. It was a huge weight lifted from me. I graduated from an alternative high school and when I went back to my homeschool I felt sick. And I realized that these people weren't ever gonna open their eyes and see anybody for who they truly are. Finding that is a damn hard struggle to deal with especially at such a young age. I wish I could tell you how to make it better but I'm still in it myself. The only things that makes me feel better are god, my family and music. I hope it helps you to know that you're not alone and I fully support you and your ambitions. Just remember that no matter what you can't let anything beat you down into giving up on those dreams, cause that's when you truly lose the battle. Much love to your mom to for never giving up on you. You have that same strength in you. You just have to search for it a little harder sometimes. Thank you.

At 1:32 AM, Anonymous Patricia said...

Thank you, J.D., for this opportunity to voice out Mikalah's struggle, and opening our minds and hearts.

Mikalah, I thought you were funny as hell back @ AI 4. It surprised me and made me very sad to hear your struggles in life. Your bubbly personality didn't show that.

You are an inspiration! You persevere non-stop to follow your dreams. I loved that episode of that Fran Drescher show when you were a guest. Thought that was very funny. I think your unique personality is amazing, and many of us would want to see more of you. Goodluck, and thank you for sharing!

At 2:35 AM, Anonymous Francis said...

I absolutely adore this girl. Thanks so much Mikalah for letting us all know how you've been feeling and for being such an inspiration for all us teens out there that still are struggling to find some sort of identity.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger Jordan Southerland said...

Mikalah, you rock! keep doing what you do. Dont let all these rumors and bad things get in your way. You could do like Lindsay Lohan, and right a song about rumors! hhahaha make something positive from this issue, I think you have amazing talent, and I would love to see you on your on talk show! Keep entertaining us. I hope to see you one day on stage, next to me performing a duet!!

At 1:23 PM, Anonymous Jack said...

for the record,

I love Mikalah. I can't believe she feels so bad about herself. Mikalah, you're an amazing person, and you've always had me as a fan.

jack- season 5

At 3:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mikalah, I really look up to you!Your a fabulous person...You helped me get over my shyness and now im really outgoing!!Im sad that you had to go through all this but your a wonderful person inside and out!!Im Sorry i can't leave a good comment like everyone else im 13 and i really dont know what else to say.....I love you and i'll support you in whatever you do!!!
Love,Andrea(The Girl that leaves you voice mails sometimes lol)

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Lindsey Cardinale said...

First of all I'd like to tell Meek that she's a strong person for telling the way that she's felt because I know, it's not easy to sit and tell the world the way you feel from your heart. After knowing her throughout one of the hardest competitions, becoming a close friend to her, and having her as a roomate, I can tell you she's an amazing person. She has definitely given so much to each individual person that comes her way and I hate to see now that the whole time she has hurt from things in her life. Of course, life's not perfect, but she gives out so much effort so that each person is comfortable in her presence.

Last July, she and her little brother came and was part of be first debut concert in my hometown. We had a great time, and I hope for there to be more times like that to come.

Meek, if you're reading this, you have my number. Please call me ANYTIME you need it.

I have shared memories of a lifetime with you and I hate to know that you've hurt over things. I know that many see our lives as "you've been on TV and you're living your dreams, how can you be sad..." but, I know that there is more to it and it's still hard if not even harder.

I love you always!


(Season 4 Top 12 American Idol)

At 9:05 PM, Blogger Will Makar said...

Sorry you are sad Mikalah. I had my picture made with you at the finale.
I finished season 5 as the 8th male vocalist. I am very proud of how far I got and my experience at American Idol.
I will never be The American Idol, but I am Will Makar. Idol has increased my confidence in myself as a singer. I am happy.
I am also having a great time in Houston. I have had such great experiences around Idol.
I am still in high school and plan to finish.
Don't worry about criticism. It hurts, I know. Don't read it....
Just remember how great you are and all you have achieved.

At 9:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am just an American Idol fan, but was amazed that such a young girl as you could have such a presence and such self-assurance. I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness and I wish you the best for the future. You are also very good on American Idol Extra, you come across as energetic and likeable. Good luck to you.

AI fan

At 10:49 PM, Anonymous J said...

awww, that was a sad story. I never expected Mikalah to feel like that, she always seems so so happy and loves everyone and I assumed (sp?) that she had always been like that. I love you so much Mikalah even though I've never talked to you, haha! It even reminds me of me a couple years ago but I got over it and learned that the real meaning of "cool" is to just being who you are!

*hugs and hugs*

From one of your many loyal fans,
- J

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww Meek. That was intense. Mikalah Gordon, you are so beautiful. Inside and out. Thank You J.D. for allowing Mikalah to have this opportunity to say these important things.
Mikalah, I have been a supporter of yours since day 1. Ive always believed in you. I am so happy you have been able to speak about this. And give people an insight to what your life was/is really like.
I am so proud of you and not a day goes by that I dont think I hope Meek is having a good day and I hope she is having fun and enjoying life. Since meeting you at the salon and running one of your sites for a while, I gain more and more respect for you each day.And to hear you were so unhappy, wow, that just makes me so sad. Im so sorry you had to go through all of this. But you are a fighter. A survivor like the titel says. And that right there is Victory!
It was awesome seeing you at the AI 5 Finale party. Wish I had seen you earlier in the evening. But Im glad i got to say hi and chat a bit. You showed me that you care about people! im so proud of you and all that you have done.
I love ya bunches and I know you have TONS of good things to experience in your life. YOUR FABULOUS!!!!
I am here for you no matter what! Keep on goin Meek! you can do anything you put your mind to!


At 12:05 AM, Anonymous Jamie said...

I miss Mikalah too much. I haven`t seen her in what seems like forever. Mikalah honey, I MISS YOU!!! And i love you, and you`re STILL my nanny .... always! :-)
I had a pretty hard last few weeks, but someone mentioned a great quote to me that really got me over a huge hurdle. 'Tough times don`t last, tough PEOPLE do'. That couldn`t be any truer. And you, my dear, are indeed one tough cookie. I adore you to pieces, and your articulate way of expressing yourself impressed me so much. Why are you in L.A. and not going to lunch with me :-[

I love you, punkin face!

At 9:33 AM, Blogger Spike speaks said...

Thanks for this post, JD! And thank you, Mikalah for your honesty! You are precious!! I'm a divorced-and-remarried mother of 4 and the divorce AND remarriage took a toll on all my kids, but especially my youngest who was 13 at the time. She has gone through some tough times but seems to be on the "right side of tough" now and is stronger for it. I wouldn't wish that pain an ANYONE, and if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't rush into "remarriage" but would focus just on being a mother. Ya gotta remember: parents are people, too, and we make mistakes just like our kids do. Its a good thing I have forgiving kids!

Good luck, Mikalah!

At 9:48 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

Oh Meek :) The pain of the teen's rough isn't it?

Here's some good news:
YOU ARE GROWING and God is working in your life! None of us mere mortals (except for Adam & Eve) were created to live a life of perfection. If we expect it, we will be disappointed. And the world tells us that we should STRIVE for perfection and then Hollywood shows us fake images of perfection that make us think the goal is attainable!

But you have conquered one big hurdle. You are young. You are not perfect. And there is no way you will please everyone. Do you know what word this leads me to?? HUMILITY. It's not a word that is embraced much in our culture but it is a Godly word and you have it, sweet one.

God's design works different from the world's design. He rescues the humble (2 Sam 22:28). He answers their prayers and heals them (2 Chron 7:14).

YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH, Meek. I don't know your spiritual background at all but it is evident to me that God is there with you. For real success in life, seek Godly counsel (bible) and you will be exactly where God wants you to be.....and THAT is the ultimate success. There is no joy in fighting God's design for you. It's a miserable place to be.

And guess what else. God put that desire to "be famous" in your heart for a reason. It's the humble who realize that fame for their own person gain is worthless but fame, like YOU said, " I wanted to be famous so I could touch people's lives in a big way. "

SEE? God has big plans for you. He built them into your fiber. And for me, an outsider, it's exciting to see!

I'm lifting prayers for you! Keep going the way you are being led right now. You've already been used in JD's life and have encouraged him in the way he is going to write from now on. You've encouraged numerous others here and who knows how many others who haven't left comments?? You are letting the readers know that the rough spots ALL of us go through are not meant to kill us. They are meant to shape us into the person we were created to be.

Again, keep going girl! With a little age under my belt (ahem - no further comments needed on that) I can assure you that things DO get better :)

At 10:56 AM, Anonymous Barbara Farkas said...


You are a true gem to all. You inspire others. Your sadness through those times was well hidden. Your ability to express that publicly is amazing and will help many. You, my dear, amaze me!

You will go far! You have the drive and the committment which puts you 80% ahead of the rest. Keep it up girl. I look forward to reading about your progress in the future.

What a class act! Remember always that you are special in many people's hearts and are very loved.

Barbara Farkas
Hammond, Louisiana

At 12:54 PM, Anonymous Celena Rae said...

I had the honor of getting to know Mikalah and her adorable mother during our time on American Idol4. All I can say about Mikalah is WOW!!! She is such an amazing talent. She is even more beautiful as a human being. I think that you would be hard pressed to find someone as caring and true as Mikalah. American Idol is in some ways a curse and a blessing and unless you were on the show with us I don't think you can really understand what I mean. I think that we all appreciate what we were given, but at the same time would sometimes like to take it all back. I pray that Mikalah understands that it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks because no one person determines her worth. At the end of the day it only matters that you are true to yourself and that you didn't compromise your morals or beliefs. I hope that everyday she continues to tell herself that all things will end up just as they should and I hope she finds peace in that. I hope that critics can understand that she is only a young girl and that spirits are easily broken at that age. But I have faith that great spirits, like Mikalah, will continue to soar and surprise us. And Mikalah, if you read this, STOP READING MESSAGE BOARDS!!!! Call Joe and get my number from him. I would love to catch up and please give your mommy a huge hug for me!!! Love you!!!

At 3:57 PM, Blogger Sarah Mather said...

Mikalah, remember when I told you how I loved your individuality and that you shouldn't change for anything? I meant it. Most teenage girls are trying to fit in and are trying to find there place. You are a trend setter and you know who you are. I know how hard it was to be criticized on Idol, but we can only learn and grow from it. You're strong and you will get through this. I'm always here to help.
Sarah Mather xoxo
season 4

At 6:45 PM, Blogger Bathroom Hippo said...

I'm in awe. So many celebs.

At 9:47 PM, Anonymous Andrea said...

What Sarah Mather said your are a trend setter at my school when you where on idol alot of girls where trying to have the same personallity as you because it was an awesome one!We really look up to you you're fabulous
-Andrea(again haha)

At 10:19 PM, Anonymous bobby said...



At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Marguerite Perrin said...

Mikalah, Mikalah, Mikalah

Your comments in your letter was well put and inspired me. You know that I have been in your shoes as far as hate mail and bloggers and people being down right cruel.

I watched the season of idol you were on and I just thought you had a charismatic personality for a young sixteen year old. But when I met you in person, you couldn't help but fall in love with you as a person. You were and still are just a doll. You win everyone over at hello and you are absolutely beautiful to top it off.

I am very impressed with you and the highlights of your life. I keep in touch with your mother through Ms. Barbara and she kind of keeps us posted and I think you are doing great!

I expect you to remember all of us little folks (no pun intended) when you are rich and famous because I know you will be.

And remember, when someone says or does something you don't like, you can always just tell them to "GET THE HELL OUTTA MY HOUSE IN JESUS NAME I PRAY". HA HA Just kidding. I've been in your shoes. We are human and know all about editing. Good luck and God Bless. Maybe I'll see you in Hollywood soon.

Marguerite Perrin
Trading Spouses - Season 2

At 5:43 PM, Blogger J.D. said...

Wow, you guys...

Seeing all the outpouring of support for our girl just chokes me up again. I want you all to know that Mikalah is receiving every one of these messages, and that she and her family have personally expressed to me how grateful she is for each and every one of you. (It may take a minute for her to get back to each of you personally.)

Keep the support coming.


At 1:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mikalah, I am so sorry you have had such a hard time. You remind me a lot of myself. My parents separated when I was 12 and divorced when I was 16. I know what you were going through. I was also very shy and had a hard time making friends. My mother had a nervous breakdown because my dad left and I felt alone like you did. But, you have your talent and are very good at singing, acting, and interviewing. I can't sing a lick, but when I met my highschool sweetheart things turned around for me. We'll be married 39 years in November. I wish you continued success and happiness. God is looking out for us.

At 3:15 PM, Anonymous kelli ann said...

Dear Mikalah,

I hope this finds you well and happy, which I know can be such a challenge - esp in the public eye. You are a beautiful and talented young woman. Please do not ever forget that. Life can be full of pain that we don't always understand - but if you let it, it can make you stronger. These challenges you face, they are part of what makes you so amazing. A lot of people would just give up - but you continue to strive and thrive - and face what seems insurmountable obstacles. YOU GO GIRL!!!

What others feel the need to criticize in or about you - it is their OWN fears, insecurities and inadequacies coming out. Now, there are people who are saying things to try to help - helping you develop as an artist and vocalist - but I understand that these are not the people who are hurting your soul. Forgive them their cruelness - they really don't know what they are doing - and you are SO much more incredible of a person than they - so DO NOT let them STEAL YOUR THUNDER!!!!

The media and the public are cruel and unforgiving - that is their problem. YOU are better than they are - and I want you to remember that. Your incredible talent - your beautiful smile - your stunning eyes - just look in a mirror and reflect from the inside out those things that make you unique - special - and remember them. Even when you face doubts and fears - remember that you ARE special!!!! VERY SPECIAL!!!

Life is going to throw you a lot of garbage - and at such a young age you have been through a lot. I feel for you - and I understand your pain. I want you to know you are NEVER alone - and you never have to go through things without the love and support of others. There is always going to be someone out there who will listen and help - find the circle of support you trust, and keep them close. When you are most vulnerable, they will be there for you.

I think you are an amazing, talented, truly inspiring young woman, and I look forward to seeing you suceed at all your dreams. Treasure the journey - and remember to ALWAYS be your own best friend!

Peace and Love,
Kelli Ann =)

At 7:49 PM, Anonymous Colleen said...


I stumbled across JD's blog via another AI blog site and just read your story. Gosh, little lady, I am so sorry that you have had these struggles in your short lifetime. But, you know what, all this is building character and making you stronger.

It pains my heart on the things people write on the internet about people in the limelight. I didn't know society is so judgmental and cruel, which is very sad. I love your personality, and I hope you get the AI gig again for Season 6, and what about the Tyra Banks show? Is that still happening for you? Just keep your chin up and believe in yourself, and get in touch with that inner voice that guides you.

Also, make sure you have a relationship with God because without that - life will definitely be much harder to take.

I also wanted to comment on how lovely it is to see the support of former AI contestants, what a great network of friends to have - and reach out to them, that's what people are here on this earth for to help each other.

Okay, I've rambled enough . . . I wish you all the best and stay strong, keep praying and believe in yourself.

Take care and God bless,

At 10:07 PM, Anonymous Sandy said...

Wow. I like the interview - reading it gave me goosebumps. Mikalah, you're finding self-acceptance much earlier than I did. Go Girl!

At 10:15 PM, Blogger Brownsoul said...

wow! it takes a lot of heart to go for something big without at least the support of family. my heart goes out to her and i'm glad she found the courage.

At 8:41 AM, Blogger kristen said...

Hey Meek, I can't believe that you were having suck a hard time. But I'm glad you got this out and showed how you felt. . You were my fav from the begging and i still love ya! keep up the good work and take care of yourself.

Love Much,

At 6:51 PM, Anonymous Amanda said...

I can read this and connect better then I've ever connected before. Mikalah, you just helped me understand what is so wrong in my home better than I could have ever done and you didn't even mean to. Words can't describe how much I look up to you. I just hope, and I really do, that one day I'll be able to meet you, or just have a conversation with you. You're an amazing person and I think you've already met your goal, because you've touched me, Mikalah. Even before this, you've helped me hold on. And I think that it's incredible to be able to be at rock bottom and then see someone on TV who puts on a smile on your face and hope in your heart. so thanks, Mikalah.

At 10:20 PM, Anonymous Tara said...

Miss Meek

There are not enough words to ever express how much I care about you! It really hurts me inside to know that you went through such a hard time during your childhood. I only wish I could have been there for you and somehow helped you in anyway. BUT those years are all behind you now! And you have grown into the most AMAZING ADULT. You have so much insight and thoughts that you need to share with the world, and you do just that in these letters. When you are being yourself is when everybody truly loves you, that is something I have learned in my life. There's just something about you that shines and I do not think for one second that you would be the same person today if you had had a simple breezy life up until now. Its the rough times that make us stronger and you are so so strong! Even if you dont realize who you are, we all see it! You are Mikalah Analise Gordon. You are absolutely gorgeous. You love cheetah print and are obcessed with shoes. You are so funny, kind, outgoing. You are everything that everybody wishes they were, and I really hope that someday you can see all that I see in you! Like you said, nobody is perfect at all, and even trying to be perfect is a complete waste. Imperfections are what makes people interesting and fun to get to know. I hope you know that you have so many people out there that love and support you and would do anything to help you at all. I think about you every day, about how you are doing, and it makes me sad to think of you crying and not being happy. But I know you will pull through everything. I'll always be here for you no matter what even if I have to hide away in Michelle's suitcase someday or something I will do my best to make you smile and laugh and love life :)

At 3:24 PM, Anonymous Jennifer Hudson said...

Mikalah all you need is god! Im sorry you had to go thru that and i had no idea. Your a wonderful person inside and out and there is millions of people who love you. Stay strong and keep good on your side


At 10:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mikalah, keep your sights set on the kind of person you want to be and do not let anyone or anything they say make that decision for you. That decision belongs to you and you alone and it is a gift to yourself.

I think you have already decided on some pretty good traits for yourself in choosing to be brave, determined, intelligent, vivacious, independent, and full of witty humor. This is why you have been noticed by so many people, both to the good and bad. Envy makes people do and say things they shouldn't, but they are weak, at times unhappy, and cannot help themselves. Continue, as you have done, to forgive them. Acknowledge privately in your mind their weaknesses and pray that their lives will improve to bring them happiness and realization.

Then, move the focus back to yourself and what you need to do to continue evolving into the total person you want to be. Practice everyday the traits you desire to become a part of you so that you are--you become. Don't let anyone distract you from this or your goals. At this stage of your life, you are like a lovely rosebud just waiting to burst into a full and beautiful rose. I know you will get there to this place of inner beauty to finally find acceptance of yourself. Don't be afraid of the transformation or the pain because a little farther down the road, you will soon be able to put all that behind you. From what I see in you, you are already miles ahead. Keep growing baby girl and know that you are beautiful inside and out. At the end of the day, it's what YOU think about you that really counts.

Good luck to you Mikalah, and please know that for every person who would be critical of you, there are a hundred more people who simply love and adore you. March on Mikalah.


At 11:44 AM, Anonymous Leah said...

Thanks for being so honest in that letter Mikalah - it took a lot of guts. I loved you on idol, but I love you now even more for totally different reasons.

When you were on Idol you were just a girl who was my age that I thought wore cool clothes and had a pretty voice. Now you're a grown woman (I'm 18 as well)... does that even seem real? Anyways, now I can look up to you in a different way. You're someone whose been through a lot of struggles but you've came out better than before. I went through a lot of the same things as you mentioned growing up. My mom and dad divorced when I was 9 and though I lived with my mom, I got letters from my dad everyday. I always felt like I had to choose which was the better parent, so in turn I kind of forgot who I was.

This world is a strange one. People change and feelings change but as long as we know who we are and what our compass is in life, we'll be fine.

Much love!


At 9:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One reason I loved you on AI was because when I looked at you I saw someone who was happy in her own skin and very confident. You can imagine how shocking it is for me to find different. Nonetheless, I still look up to you because you have made it through a lot of hard times. I have many hard times to come in the remaining of my teen years and I hope I can be just as strong as you have been. I wish you much success in your future and I hope times get better for you. Just remember, you are a role model and many teen girls look up to you. If you have the confidence and good attitude you will not only be helping yourself, but others who look up to you also :) I am glad you decided to share your story. It really did move me to tears.


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