AMERICAN IDOL NIGHT 8: HOLLYWOOD ROUND 1

After an unbelievably long wait, it's now time to get down to the nitty gritty. The wheat has been separated from the chaff, and now it's time for the best of the best (and Dave Hoover) to compete with each other for their spot in the Top 24 and the chance to win viewer's votes so as to possibly become the next American Idol and/or make millions of dollars!

Or they could just fall flat on their face. That might be fun to watch too.

They made it through the initial rounds, so now what?

It's Day One, and 175 contestants are ready to rock and roll.

Each contestant must choose between 12 songs to perform. They also get to choose which key they want to sing in.

April Walsh feels like her stomach might jump out of her body, though at first glance, it appears like it would have quite a bit of ground to cover before doing so.

Kellie Pickler is up first, and she's positively adorable, but in a way, she's almost too much of a Carrie clone. She sings well, and her country influence is out in spades tonight. Her nerves get the better of her. Kellie, Hannah, and a few others get to stay and go on to the next round. The other half go home.

Patrick Hall, whom we've not yet seen, sings amazingly, and he may just be the first stand-out guy we've seen all year. I love his voice and his falsetto. Somebody please tell me when he puts out a CD, because I'm buying it. Amazing, purely amazing. Patrick is, of course, proceeding forward.

After the break, Crazy Dave and Lisa Tucker.

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Brooke Barrettsmith is enjoying her Hollywood tour.

Ronnie "R.J." Norman and Steven David, two of the most loathesome guys in the world, are up next. If only a trap door with alligators would open up. R.J. lays it on thick to start with, and fan clubs fail to form all over the world. Steven sings the same song, because great minds think alike, and oddly enough, so do theirs. I am unbelievably happy that they are both going home and that they've hopefully committed career suicide and won't ever be heard from again.

Lisa Tucker is still sweet and beautiful, and I love her work. She sounds amazing still. She's just unbelievable. Naturally, she's on to the next round.

Laura Wright, Shelby Johnson, Eden Kentner, and Matthew Buckstein are all "hopelessly devoted." The first three are good, but Matthew sounds like country music karaoke bar CRAP. Still he gets through.

After the break, Taylor Hicks and Crazy Dave.

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Jason Horn is enjoying standing next to Paula Abdul's star. Ayla Brown is still looking great too.

Meanwhile back at the auditions, Ashley Guadamuz is blowing it big time. Kymyata is off key all over the place. Linelle Kagawa sounds like a cat trapped in a potato sack. Randy reminds the contestants that they need to leave it all on the stage and really bring it, because this is it.

Paris Bennett is up, and I've been waiting to just hear her one more time. She blows it out to "Can't Fight the Moonlight." This little chick has so much soul, and she is through to the next round.

Elsewhere, Megan Zieger is starting to crack even before she gets to her audition tomorrow.

Taylor Hicks, one of the best guys we've had so far, sings "The First Cut Is the Deepest," and it turns out very well. He made the song his own, but again, he looks too old for the part. Taylor is making it through.

A crying cowboy? Sheesh. Garet Johnson, you have about the most tired schtick ever.

A lot of contestants have to go on home. 41 contestants make it through, but the week continues.

After the break, Day 2 of the Hollywood rounds...

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It's Day 2, and the Day 1 group goes on the Hollywood tour.

Chris Daughtry and the jailbird Brittenum twins are excited.

Melissa Lucas does her best Britney Spears impersonation, which is not a good thing.

Megan Zieger is missing notes left and right. She has a good voice, but whatever is afflicting her has destroyed her ability to hit her pitch. She's straining so much, I'm afraid she's going to have a groin pull. I'm a little put out by her attitude. She's going to get through to the next round.

Wow, it's a laryngitis epidemic! And, obviously, it's the accompaniment's fault.

Derrell and Terrell Brittenum are up next. Of course, we all know that they've been kicked out, due to the fact that they're, technically, criminals and spent the better part of the last month in jail. Is Terrell saying the first CAT is the deepest? That's what it sounds like. Thanks guys for making Memphis look like crap. For the purposes of this episode, they're going through, but we all know what happens. Guys, lose the attitude, you're going to jail, and we don't care what your opinion is. In other words, SHUT UP, because I'm busy looking at Lisa Tucker.

Up next, Garet Johnson and Moron Dave.

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Gina Glocksen sings "If I Ever Fall in Love" better than David Radford. Ace Young kicks up the game for the young girls, but he's so darned breathy and boy band-ish that it's sickening. Kevin Covais sounds awful and looks worse. All four of them proceed to the next round.

Joshua and Jarrett Simmons square off with the Brittenum twins, who say they're going to kill them. Add homicidal threats to their rap sheet. They both sound good, though not phenomenal. They were sort of overpowered by the songs that they sung. The Simmons twins will not be going forward.

Garet Johnson is the dorkiest of the dorks. Pardon me for saying so, but c'mon, let's get him back to the farm to sing to the turkey. No real cowboy dresses like that every day. He's playing up this "I'm an innocent and naive farmboy" thing way too much. He really reeks on "Can't Fight the Moonlight." Wow, that was terrible. He is through to the next round, and he gets tonight's Dave Hoover Award. Somebody get this boy away from the camera.

Why in the world do we need more Brittenum opinions? They are about as articulate as a person with no head.

We'll be back, hopefully without them, after the break.

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Day Two is almost over, and Chris Daughtry gets all Constantine on his song. It's not great, but he's obviously moving forward.

Mandisa Hundley wears it out, sounds wonderful, and she's through to the next round.

Katharine McPhee is way too cute. Her voice is amazing, and I love what she's done with her song. I want her CD right now. She's through to the next round.

Dave Hoover is preparing to be an idiot on stage. Why are we even looking at him still? It's good to know he still found a crack dealer far away from home in Hollyweird. What a wretched singer, and if he makes it through, I swear I will not watch Idol until it comes on again next week. Duh, he doesn't go through.

So that's the end of the first round of Hollywood auditions. Apparently Brooke and Leah Barrettsmith made it through too, which makes me very very happy.

Based on the previews for next Tuesdays shows, I'm ready to slap the living crap out of any and all of the Brittenum twins.

For those of you who think I've forgotten about the Grammys, don't worry, I'll have my thoughts on them soon!