AMERICAN IDOL NIGHT 7: BOSTON AUDITIONS

We're back again for yet another, and thankfully the LAST, round of initial auditions this year. Yes, you heard it right, the final auditions before Hollyweird.

I'll be updating in real time, so keep refreshing the site!

Woohoo, House starts up again tonight!!

Boston, home of the Red Sox and the Patriots and some freak who thinks he's the second coming of Clay Aiken. Or maybe that's Clay Achin'??

The rain makes sure there's an impromptu wet t-shirt competition outside. Simon gets righteously indignant about the Boston Tea Party. The rest of us yawn.

James "Ghost" Yokley Jr. describes hip-hop as muhlodis...er..melodia...er something that sounds good. He goes on to prove that white men really can't jump, but Paula really enjoys his conservative political stance. He then goes on to sing "Lean on Me," which tanks straight out of the box. Bye bye.

I've been waiting for this one: Ayla Brown whose father is a senator and whose mother is a newscaster. Ayla's a baller, and she can really wail on the national anthem. She has a great look and a wonderful solid voice. My mind is not blown completely, but I don't see how she wouldn't proceed. Randy says yes, and Simon says no, and it's up to Paula who dangles it in front of her like a steak in front of a starving panther. Paula finally says yes, and there ya go, she's on to Hollywood. UPDATES: Ayla has a fan site at ayla-brown.org and at aylabrownonline.com. Ayla recently scored her 1000th point as a basketball player. It has been rumored for a while now that Ayla is a Top 24 finalist.

After the break, Boston gets its freak on.

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We're back, and there's another non-American trying to be the American Idol. Self-proclaimed mezzo-soprano, Irada Jafarova sings the death knell of many an Idol contestant, "Unbreak My Heart." She tries to be seductive by loosening her outer garment, the sum total of which is about as seductive as circumcision without anesthesia. She then breaks into "Chain of Fools," which immediately causes the earth to open up and swallow her...or at least I wish it would. She storms out of the audition.

Laurence Soares sings some mish-mash of a C & C Music Factory song.

Alison...somebody...(I mean, who cares at this point) sings some Loverboy-inspired mess.

Katherine Hofmann sings a mutant Taylor Dayne song. It doesn't get much worse than this.

And it's time for another mish-mash of Simon insults and mis-illusioned people talking about how talented they think they are versus how stupid the judges are.

After the break, it doesn't look much better. Ayla, come back!

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We're back, and Simon is still sulking.

Pinch me. I must be dreaming. Either I have double vision, or those are two of the hottest girls I've ever seen. They're beautiful! Rebecca O'Donahue sings "Black Velvet," as her twin sister, whose voice is damaged at the moment, stands to the side. This is one of my personal favorite songs, though not as she sings it. She can't stay on one pitch at all. She's not real great, but based on her looks, Randy is willing to give her another shot. It's amazing the things that being drop-dead smoking hot can get you in life. Simon calls him on that, and says no. Paula, who has possibly become recently deaf, believes that she can do it, and she gets the chance to go to Hollywood. Rebecca gets the Dave Hoover award for the night. UPDATES: Could this be Rebecca at IMDb? Rebecca is rumored to be a Top 24 contestant.

Tatiana Princesa Ward wants to prove that her grandmother is a racist pig. She tries to do so by singing "My Cherie Amour" which really isn't good in the lower register and isn't much better in the higher parts. It's a complete mess, though she has talent. She tries sucking up to Randy by some weird "my dad is sexy and you look like my dad" spiel. Simon says she reminds him of a poodle. Paula says it wasn't the best, and Randy is not impressed. Randy says yes, Simon says no, and Paula says yes, and I take the Dave Hoover award back from Rebecca and give it to Tatiana instead. UPDATES: Check her out here and at her official site. She won 2005's MakeAStar.com singer/songwriter contest, as well as honorable mention at 2004's VH1 Songwriter competition. She also had a role in the Cameron Diaz movie "In Her Shoes," if you count being an extra as a "role." Seriously, IMDb doesn't even list her as an uncredited cast member.

The girls seem to be doing well tonight, but, as with the other episodes, WHERE ARE THE GUYS THIS YEAR????

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Ryan schmoozes with the contestants, and there's a review of people with lame jobs.

A chemical engineer honestly auditions with the theme song to the Mickey Mouse Club.

Holly Corrente works at a nursing home where she sings and plays guitars to people with disabilities. There's something very sweet and cute about her. She sings an Anastasia song, which showcases her higher pitched voice. It's a bit squeaky, and a bit pitchy (did I say that??), and the judges pass on her rather quickly, despite the fact that she was better and more likable than the last two that got through. UPDATES: Holly auditioned for a Net10 commercial. You can see her headshot and listen to her audition here.

Kenneth Maccarone got tired of waiting for 12 hours. Because, for some reason, he should be special and not have to wait as long as every single other person. He sings a Cher song, and the result is one of the weirdest voices I've ever heard. It's painful and sort of like an alien inhabited his body. Simon requests that he dress in drag, and the phone bank at GLAAD immediately melts down. He squares off with Simon. He won't let anybody walk all over him (unless, of course, those people have cameras and a nationally televised show.) He feels he is leaving the room with his dignity. News flash: dignity for you has LONG since left the building. Exit stage left.

After the break, Clay Achin' and Gwar.

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Still looking for guys with talent. So far, no luck.

Kevin Covais looks young and fresh, and he's gonna try to do the Josh Groban thing. He has a good voice, except for the least little bit of shakiness, which I believe can be attributed most likely to nerves. He's a bit wooden, but not bad. Simon thinks he's good for mature audiences. Paula thinks he's good, but that he doesn't look like the American Idol. Randy and Paula say yes, Simon says no, but he's going to Hollywood anyway. UPDATE: Kevin is rumored to be in the Top 24.

Now it's time for a montage of Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World." by weirdo contestants, including someone with a Gwar costume on. This song must have been required for one of the initial rounds.

Up next, Clay Achin' and another shot of cutie Kellie Pickler.

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The auditions are almost over. What a relief!

Raving idiot Michael Sandecki, AKA Clay Achin', sings "In the Still of the Night" which only proves to be slightly less obnoxious than his severely diseased personality. The gimmick doesn't work. Simon says no, and Paula wouldn't say yes if her life depended on it. Michael explains that he would've sung better if he hadn't been needing to urinate so badly. Unfortunately, his problem is not his prostate. It's just that he can't sing in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Peeing made him worse.

28 people made it through from Boston. The auditions are now over, and we can move on to Hollywood.

Now we get to see shots of Gina Glocksen, Lisa Tucker, Kellie Pickler, Mandisa, Chris Daughtry, Taylor Hicks, April Walsh, Dave Hoover, and a variety of really bad contestants like Rhonetta. Tomorrow, we go to the Hollywood auditions!

ROUND-UP

On to Hollywood:
Ayla Brown
Kevin Covais
Rebecca O'Donahue
Tatiana Ward

PREDICTIONS:

Ayla will do well, as will Kevin, and possibly Rebecca. The only one who will probably not quite make it is Tatiana.

See you tomorrow night for the beginning of the Hollywood rounds!