American Idol: Meet Your Top 12!!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the last of the weeks wherein we are subjected to three nights of show, right? Please say yes! Nothin' but love for Idol, but some of us do have to have lives or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Even if that life does consist of conducting interviews with former Idols. Oh...that so conveniently reminds me to shamelessly plug my upcoming interview on Tuesday with Jon Peter Lewis! How convenient! Idol Waves Radio, same time, same place, and then the obligatory text version right here.

Okay, so it's time to get rid of some of these bozos. I say "bozo" in the most affectionate way that I know how, because I love Idol contestants one and all, but truthfully, I'm ready to narrow the field. That, and I really have no idea which of these contestants I might have to eat my words with, because undoubtedly I'll be friends with the one I hate the most by the end of the season. Kellie, Mikalah, you two continue to haunt me, and I love you both.

We get to start out with a group number, which begins fabulously with Chris Sligh, proceeds horribly with Haley-Bot 2.0, and slides straight through Jared to get to Melinda. The rest is pretty generic until Phil Stacy gets up and causes children to have nightmares by sticking his face in the camera and wiggling it around. This show is not for those of you with heart conditions. Who was it that said Chris Richardson was talented? His vocal tone makes me wonder why I ever thought Kellie Pickler was nasal. I just can't abide him any longer. Sanjaya manages somehow to look slightly more effeminate than Sabrina. Sundance forgot the choreography, or was too busy staring at Antonella's butt, because he's out of step with everyone else, and I have to believe in grave danger of going back home this week.

Wow, who bought Seacrest a tie? Who put it on him? Do you think he found a T-shirt with a starched collar to wear with it? Intro the judges, who are essentially useless tonight, save for the mindless comments they will inevitably make.

37 million votes later, and four people will be culled from this herd, which we are unfortunately subjected to in recap mode again. I liked hearing Blake again. But then they slaughtered my ears with Chris Richardson and Phil Stacy. I don't really care too much to go over what we've already heard. You can scroll down for my recaps of that crap. Sundance got to the point of being annoying with his defense of his "song." Sorry, Sunny, that ain't the way it's supposed to be sung. Just because you say it doesn't make it true.

On to the recap of the girls. Love ya Jordin and Gina! Kinda dug ya Stephanie. Not you, Sabrina. Rosie-bot Scarnato is going home. If there's any justice in the world, so will Antonella Barba. I'm sort of meh about Lakisha...wasn't bad, wasn't great, but she'll make it through. And oh there you are, Melinda!!! Far and away, the best of this whole lot this week!

Hurry up already, Seacrest. Okay...time for one to go. Lights go down. Lakisha and Blake are center stage. Obviously not. Seacrest's tricks are too old by now, and you know they're both in. Chris Sligh is down on the stage, and if he doesn't make it, I'll still buy everything he publishes. And we'll discover that he isn't going home after the break.

Back from the break, and Chris is... DUH safe.

Jordin Sparks better have made it, or I will not watch Idol ever again until Tuesday. She's safe. America shares my opinion so far.

Ah, now it's time for a guy I wouldn't mind seeing get bounced like a rubber ball. Phil's hat is eating his head again. Phil wants to move on, and somehow the cosmos shifted, and after a horrendous performance, he will remain. Until he goes home next week.

Jared Cotter may just be the one hitting the highway. Yup. He's out. Just like that. No teaser, no drama, just pack your crap and get the heck out. Paula's giving him a standing ovation, and she'll have to find someone else to slobber over this year. And it's time for him to sing one more time. I'd buy all of his CDs if he'd just do the Carlton Banks dance (thanks for that comedic gem, all my loyal readers.) Tonight is a lot better than last night, possibly because Jared left the 9th grade math teacher sweater at home. Antonella is crying. Wonder if there are incriminating pictures of the two of them floating around out there somewhere? Paula is dancing, and she should definitely be careful, or else the jiggle twins are gonna each put out an eye on Simon and Randy.

It's time for the "American Idol Challenge." The question is absurdly easy: which Idol has the number 1 album: Ace Young, Kevin Covais, or Chris Daughtry. Unless you've been under a rock lately, you know that Kevin Covais doesn't have an album, Ace Young only has a single, and Daughtry is the most popular thing in the world right now.

Time to see if Brandon and/or Melinda are still in the competition. Fortunately, Brandon and Melinda are both in. Big honkin' DUH.

Gina and Chris come in holding hands, Ryan makes some innuendo which Gina puts the QUICK kibosh on. She glared bloody murder for a second there, and I thought she might kick Seacrest in the chest. I actually would have paid to see that. This chick is super faithful to her boyfriend. And they're both through. Chris Richardson sucks, but I guess I'll have fun making fun of him next week. (I wonder if he'll be the one I have to apologize to....)

Before filling the remaining seats, we get a retrospective on Carrie Underwood, who may or may not be the most successful Idol ever. (Sorry, Kelly!) She's certainly doing the best right now. I love me some Carrie. Always have, always will. I was a Care Bear the whole way through season 4. I haven't yet met the young starlet, even though we have more than our fair share of mutual friends, but I trust some day our paths will cross. Tonight she's going to be singing her newest single, "Wasted." Speaking of wasted, she's slimmed up quite a bit, hasn't she? Don't get me wrong, she's good looking, but I like my Carrie with a bit of meat on the bones. I've loved this song for a long time. Man, this makes me long for season 4. Without a doubt, the best season ever. I miss Lindsey, Mikalah, Scott, Bo, Nikko, Nadia, Anwar, Anthony, Vonzell, Jessica, Amanda, Celena Rae, Sarah Mather, Jaclyn Crum, and all those season 4 people. Not a one of them that I hate. I guess I'll have to be satisfied with seeing a lot of them at the Reality Convention this year. Nice job, Carrie.

I still sort of wish that they'd give the judges another crack at her, if only just for show. It would be oddly nostalgic.

Okay, now for that special announcement, which, if it's that there's a songwriting contest, is stupid, because they announced that already.

Three places left, and who knows (or cares) which of these will go home. It's the middle of the show, so someone's going home out of this set. Antonella or Stephanie... no big shock, it's Antonella going home. So much for kicking her around. I sort of feel sorry for her, but I sort of don't. I mean, she IS young and a bit naive. Hopefully this will teach her a little bit about how to act in the future. She sort of slumps, starts to sing, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to sing when you're deflated and about to cry. Still, this is probably the last time a nation-wide audience will see her, so it would be good if she could really wear it out. Unfortunately, that's not the type of girl she is, and this is probably the last we'll ever see of the young Miss Barba.

Ryan kicks her off the stage, and Haley and Sabrina go to the judgment ring. No doubt it's Haley going home. Or not... Wow? I guess Sabrina's song was just slightly more forgettable than I thought last night. Ryan says this is the most intense episode he's ever seen. Um...? No. Randy feels that Sabrina got shafted. I didn't see her as a winner by any means, but I liked her a ton better than Haley Roboto. To Sabrina's credit, she puts on her best smile and struggles through the En Vogue song yet again. Haley is absolutely gobsmacked and puffy-eyed, either because Sabrina is going home or because she knew who it really should've been and almost was. See ya in the indies, Sabrina. I was with you before anybody knew you, and I'll keep checking you out.

After the break, that elusive special announcement (you know, the one that will cause the Earth to begin revolving backwards on its axis?? or better, after all the pimping they've been giving it??)

Looks like they're saving Sundance or Sanjaya's elimination for last. I suppose Sundance is the lesser of two evils, but quite frankly, I'm not impressed with either of them.

Tonight is Idol's 200th episode. And it's time for the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT and Idol is going to "give back." Simon and Ryan went on a trip to Africa. Wow, Simon looks almost cuddly! The rough, gruff Mr. Cowell is actually a soft-hearted humanitarian, and it's actually quite fascinating to see this side of him. Simon almost sounds like he wants to cry. Randy and Paula are going to go to Louisiana to visit the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I know this is a bunch of sappy stuff, but it's really a nice change of pace. Awww, I'm really liking this. And the whole thing with the judges being softies and stuff? Positively Twilight Zone... April 24th and 25th will be the "inspirational song" theme night. (You hear that, Chris Sligh? Freebie night for you, buddy.) For each vote you cast, a contribution will be made to the charities. The Top 6 will be performing a brand new Quincy Jones song during group performance on elimination night. For some reason, Borat will be there along with Gwen Stefani, Bono, Annie Lennox, and several others who will show up for the benefit, so that we will all know that they Care(TM). Wow...not a bad announcement after all. Kudos, Nigel!

So now it's down to Sanjaya and Sundance. I picked Sundance to win the whole thing early on. I'm thinking that I just might be wrong.

Who walks away with the biggest payday on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? My guess is Jeff Foxworthy.

Decision time. Sundance is going home. Sanjaya doesn't deserve to be there, but neither does Mr. Head. From best of show, to worst of the bunch, his star fell mightily. You other Idols in your cushy little Top 12 seats take note. THIS is what happens when you turn in one really bad performance. This means you, Haley. And you, Sanjaya. You better pack a lunch next time you take the stage, own that bad boy, and rock our butts off, or you too will be flying coach back to whatever backwater boro you emerged from.

Don't forget, keep it here for my interview with Jon Peter Lewis! I'll be posting lots of good stuff between now and Tuesday.