HOW NOT TO TALK TO YOUR FANS: TODD AGNEW

I subscribe to a lot of musicians’ blogs on Myspace as a way of keeping abreast of music news and happenings. It’s also a bang-up way to keep from being productive. At any rate, I usually end up ignoring about three quarters of the posts, because they’re either something like “hey, buy my new album” or “here’s a survey of about 50 hillion jillion questions that everybody hates to get in the email” or “so-and-so in our band made it to age 25 without getting a groupie pregnant” or something equally worthless and non-blog-worthy. Today, though, I ran across one that, like a mis-cast fish hook, caught my eye.

Contemporary Christian artist Todd Agnew posted a blog today. For those of you who may not be up on the CCM scene, Todd is charting fairly well these days. In any case, his blog title trumpeted loudly and in all caps “PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU EMAIL!!!”

Now I don’t know Todd personally. He is from Memphis, though. My sister and a friend used to go to some worship groups he led here in Memphis, and their appraisal of him wasn’t on the Jeffrey Dahmer level, but they weren’t exactly nominating him for sainthood either. I’m usually willing to give an artist a second, third, or fourth chance. But this blog blew it for him.

He writes:

Hey everyone. I'm sorry for the crazily capitalized title. I'm not much for overstatement, but unfortunately in this case, it is necessary. I just wanted everyone to receive some important information before you email me here. First is that I really do want to hear from you. Second, I really do read every email I get here. It may take some time because I receive about 100 emails a day, and believe it or not, most days I don't get to sit around and check my myspace. We actually go out and play concerts. But I do read every email you guys send. Third, and very important, I'm not going to respond to your emails. it's nothing personal, but it's a big time commitment just to read them all. And if I responded to every email, I wouldn't have time to do the things you expect from me, like make music, play concerts, etc. So thanks for understanding. And lastly, just because you see the "I'm online" icon doesn't mean I'm online. We have a team that works on this site, receiving friend requests, etc. Most of the time you see that, it's not me. When I have time to get on, it's usually in the middle of the night and I just sit down and read emails. So please don't have your feelings hurt when I don't immediately respond to your questions. If you want a response, please go to the message boards located at toddagnew.com/forums. That is our own community and I respond much more often to those requests. I hope you guys understand. I just don't want people getting frustrated or hurt by something that they don't understand. Thank you for all your prayers and support. We look forward to seeing you out on the road and I'll try to be better about blogging once this crazy summer is over. Be the moon.

Mack and Tricia, you two can just skip on ahead to the comments and tell me what’s wrong with his approach to his community. The rest of you, buckle up.

First off, the title alone starts off discouraging communication from fans. That’s right, fans, before you email, you have to read Todd’s little fun thingy. And then you get told basically that you’re emailing for nothing. That you’ll pretty much have a better chance getting an email back from Marilyn Monroe than from him. Now, before everybody starts jumping up and down on me, yes, I do realize that it’s simply not possible to respond to 100 emails a day. The thing is, even though it is impossible to respond, it’s not necessary to SAY so. One of the first rules of TV and radio that I learned was never to be apologetic to your audience. If you goofed, don’t say anything about it. And if you can’t do something, don’t start off with saying something about it. He could’ve very well left the situation alone, not said anything about it, and gone on about his business as usual, and the fans would’ve gotten pretty much what they expected.

But to just flat out say “Third and very important, I’M NOT going to respond to your emails?????”

Todd, Todd, Todd… Please check with your PR people before you post stuff like this. And if they told you to write this, fire every last one of them. Preferably from a cannon. I know a few good marketers who are looking for a job who would flat out tapdance on your forehead for posting something this bone-headed.

It’s all well and good to build up your fans by saying that you lovingly and tenderly read every one of their emails while soaking in a hot bath, drinking a nice Merlot, and having romantic fantasies about them (although if you get as many as you claim, and you have time to read them all, do you not have time to respond to one or two?) But then you totally kill any reason for your fans to email you by making the blanket statement that you will not, under any circumstances, short of being held at gunpoint, respond to any of them. Okay, Todd, what other reason is left to email you? To tell you how wonderful you are? To thank you for blessing us with your presence? To tell you what time it is in Malaysia? My goodness, what a snotty thing to say!

Second of all, why discourage fans from trying to message you when they see you’re online? Especially when, as fans were quick to point out, it’s retardedly easy to adjust your Myspace account to where it doesn’t show your “online now” button. Not to mention that it’s simple to choose not to accept instant messages. And there’s always the option of just ignoring them, which you already apparently do.

Thirdly, Todd, your fans are not grade-schoolers, and they deserve more than to be talked down to as if their parents were cousins, which is what you did in your blog. The whole post just reeks of condescension. We all know you’re an artist, and in this society that apparently makes you rate just below the Trinity, but the truth is, Todd, we’re all your intellectual equivalents. Time to get that nose back in joint.

Fourth, if you are an artist on Myspace, having a team work on your site makes you look lame and corporate. Have a team work on it, but don’t tell anybody, because it robs your Myspace profile of its genuine feeling. Your Myspace friends want to feel that it’s YOU they’re communicating with, not your lackeys. It’s called FRIEND for a reason. You don't communicate with a friend through his agents. (For that matter, you don't have a friend that won't talk to you, either.)

Fifth, what are you doing redirecting people to your forum?? Is it because you want them to go back to a place where it’s easier to corral them like the sheep you seem to believe them to be? Is it because you can speak down from on high and address the huddled, unwashed masses easier that way? This has been discussed on marketing blog after marketing blog. When your fans are expressing their appreciation for you and your product in a certain venue, even if it is not the venue or method that you want, you MUST LET IT HAPPEN. It is a HUGE mistake to try to divert your fans to another place when they are doing nothing but singing your praises. You can’t put your fan-dom in a box. You say “go to my forum, not here.” Yeah, well, Toddy-boy, the fact is they are already there on Myspace, and they deserve your attention just as much there. This is such a classic blunder: a marketer trying to control his marketing by forcing his consumers to obey his marketing strategy.

What you might as well have said is this: “Hi, I’m Todd Agnew. I’m a big shot Christian artist. Yeeeeeah, I get all your emails. Hundreds of them. For real. I’m the big man. But if you think I’m going to stoop to answering your sniveling little questions, you’re out of your mind. I have concerts to do and music to make, which is, after all, much more important than your meaningless little jobs and schooling, and since the Earth revolves around me, I can’t be bothered with responding to your petty queries. Oh, and don’t bother trying to IM me when you see I’m online, because I can’t be bothered. But if you must bother me, do it at my message board, and not at the venue of your choosing. Cuz I’m Todd Agnew. Yeah.”

Here’s the bottom line, Todd. You’re falling victim to your own hype. You didn’t add a lot of us to your friend list. WE added YOU, after you requested it. I know I didn’t actively seek you out. And you don’t buy my music. I buy yours (though not anymore.) Here’s the rough truth. Without your fans, you wouldn’t exist as an artist, aside from playing for quarters out in some subway. It was your fans that made you what you are today, not the other way around. Your fans deserve your respect, not a “don’t email me, because I won’t answer.” Show some respect for the people who are paying for your car and the house you live in and the food that you eat.

Guess what, Todd… here’s one back at you. When it comes to buying and promoting your album… don’t call me. I’ll call you.