Wednesday, April 26, 2006

AMERICAN IDOL NIGHT 33: TOP 6 RESULTS!!

It's time for results, and the Top 6 will soon be 5! To paraphrase Seacrest, last night was all about romance. Who left you hot (Kat)? Who left you cold (Taylor)? And who made you want to fire a rocket-propelled grenade into your television set (Pickler)? It's time to sit back and bask in the gloriousness of yet another person going home!

It was a record breaking vote last night with 47.5 million, none of which were for Kellie. I just love that she did so bad that people almost literally mailed themselves into Fox studios to vote for her competitors. Ryan introduces us to the firing squad, and there's the big har-har joke about them being emotional that only Ryan thought was funny. The judges ham it up accordingly. Apparently there were a lot of complaints called in to Fox last night about Cowell being unfair to one of the contestants, because apparently we are all a bunch of pouty-pants whiners, and Simon goes on record as apologizing to Katharine McPhee, saying she didn't get the right appraisal, not that it matters because the criticism most likely propelled her into the highest number of votes last night. Randy apologizes too, and Ryan asks for one from Paula, to which Paula rightly responds that she's never been harsh, not even when she was chucking Emilio Estevez's stuff out the window onto Fifth Avenue. Then they clear up the Paula/Ryan feud thing, because let's face it, both of them are millionaires, and the drama ain't exactly payin' the bills.

It's time for a recap of the performances last night. We re-meet producer/schmuck David Foster and his sidekick Andrea Bocelli, who pretty much was just there for cute little quips and to do duets with Kat. I like Andrea, but David really needs to make his kids behave before trying to fix this lot. Kat's dad cries, but the judges do their now-apologized-for ripping, Paris squeaks by, Elliott wails and makes Paula wail in a different way, Kellie sucked on ice, Taylor clenched, and Chris brought all the women to their knees.

Ryan gins up the whole image of the judges/dysfunctional family. You know how it is. You have the stern father, Simon, who is relentlessly cruel and critical. Then you have the drunken mother, Paula, who is about as dependable as getting a signal on a T-Mobile phone and who cries constantly. Then there's funny old Uncle Randy who is just sort of there to make sure nobody kills each other.

I'm glad I wasn't raised by American Idol judges.

After the break, and Lisa's O.C. commercial, we'll see Andrea Bocelli perform.

---

There's the Ford commercial first, and it's sort of a riff on last week's with all the graphics. The Idols chase a little yippy dog (probably thinking it's Kellie.) Once again, they rip up a song that used to be great, making it sound like it comes off a Kidz Bop CD.

Now it's time for Foster/Bocelli to perform. I have nothing against blind people. One of my best buddies is blind. And Andrea is so sweet! But please, put on the shades. Half the time he just looks cross-eyed, and the rest of the time he just blinks like a madman. Bocelli performs "Because We Believe." It's some nice singing. I would say, though, that any blind performer should avoid lyrics like "when we close our eyes," because it just calls to mind all the wrong things. I'm sorry that I seem so critical, because I am genuinely enjoying his performance, but as has been said many times here, part of being an entertainer is to not have an off-putting performance!

Bocelli wraps it up, and Pickler does her usual and hogs him and the camera all up. When she's finally pried off by the other contestants, one of whom had to use a blowtorch, she stands behind Seacrest to keep us looking at her goofy mug.

Lisa Tucker in da house, cuz she's gotta pimp her spot on the OC. It's good to see her getting some love.

It's time to split into three groups. The first group is Katharine and Chris. The second group is Elliott and Taylor. Gotta be the top 2. The third group is Kellie and Paris. These are the bottom two if I've ever seen the bottom two. Which is which?

Elliott and Taylor are safe, and Pickler hugs the crap out of both of them, tries to cling on to them and starts to get dragged back to the couches until Ryan Seacrest throws a lasso around her and makes her stay onstage. Which group is in danger? Pickler and Paris know.

After the break, so will you!

---

I'd rather burn down my house than watch Unanimous. I'm just sayin'.

Chris and Kat sit. Major duh. Wow, shocker, Chris and Kat got the highest number of votes!

Okay time for a quick voodoo dance in hopes of seeing Kellie go home. Oh THANK YOU GOODNESS!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAAAAAHOOOO!!!! I'm so happy! I can't even bother with the recap of EVERY ONE of Kellie's goofy moments. It's official. I don't care who wins anymore now that Pickler is gone home! See you next week for a nasal-free evening!

15 Comments:

At 8:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

THERE IS A GOD AFTER ALL. WOOHOO

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger Dancewriter said...

I knew you'd be happy! :)

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger Smitty said...

It is so nice to know I can come here and get the actual feeling of the show if I miss it.
On one level, I wanted the producers to be stuck with Kellie for a record deal. But now, it just feels like... like... like it's a real music competition. Everyone left can actually sing!

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

Yay! Happy Trails, Pickler!

And like Smitty said - the final five are all great in their own ways. So who the heck is going home next week??? Its gonna be a nailbiter.

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger Hannah said...

JUSTICE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO THE WORLD ONCE AGAIN!!!!

 
At 9:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In his radio interview Nigel said that they wouldn't let Taylor do the song he wanted ("Try A Little Tenderness"), because it wasn't the type of love song that Andrea Bocelli would sing. It would be o.k., Nigel said, for something like a Blues Brothers Theme Night! Huh?

What I'd like to ask Nigel is this. Was Chris' song a love song that Bocelli would sing - but he wouldn't do "Try A Little Tenderness"?

We all know Taylor would have rocked that song. (According to his grandmother, Joni Hicks, it's the first song Taylor ever sang to her.) IMHO, not letting him perform what he wanted, and what he was comfortable with, just wasn't fair.

 
At 10:10 PM, Blogger J.D. said...

What are you complaining about? Taylor made it to next week! Kellie's the one that got sent home! :)

 
At 12:00 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

now she can go straight to porn...

 
At 12:01 AM, Anonymous Todd said...

Great summary J.D. I think I enjoy your blogs more than the show itself. Though, I was wondering how you missed that slit up Kathrine's dress last night. I swear I saw a little something of her nether region with that one move. Certainly deserving of a comment.

Anyhow, your Wooooooooo.... was echoed here on the West Coast (in my living room) for nearly as long and as loud. The euphoric cacophony heard round the world! Praise the the Lord and mark the calendar - it deserves celebrating next year as well.

 
At 12:06 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

Anyone else notice there were no 'boos' from the audience?

Kellie is cute but she's not unique. Down here in the South "Kellies" are a dime a dozen.

I'm happy for her, though. She's had a tough background (but who hasn't??) and got a GREAT experience out of it all. I think we'll see her again. It'll probably be on Surreal Life but we'll see her again.

NOW who do I root for???

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Michael said...

JD You are a DAWG. It is a pitiful shame that your rejoicing at the dismay and plight of another... YOUR TERRIBLE ....HAHAHA.. I had to get one last jab in you know. Yes Virginia, there is a SAnta Claus, There is a God, there is enough senible ppl left in America, Yes perhaps the voodoo dance worked, perhaps my conversion from pro-pickler to anti-pickler worked too, I wasnt making 50 calls just to keep PIckler in the running, anyway It is so nice to see JD Happy again.. HAHAHA.

Now My Problem is I need to go to my Blog and take off all the anti-pickler stuff, there is no need for a blog to spout anti-pickler statements when pickler doewsnt exist anymore.

We are left with the REAL TALENT of Season Five. Tears when they come next week will perhaps be real, be emotional, be from the heart. YOu know I would love to hear a night of Gospel or CCM Music, the producers cant sit back and say CCM isnt a vital part of the music industry any longer. Anyway YES the Pickler is finally gone .. PTL.

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger Kat said...

Hee! Knew you'd be celebrating. I can't even write a recap, I just don't know what to say other than I've never been so happy to have been wrong! ;-)

Totally agree about the "when we close our eyes" line, totally took me out of the song. Not that I was following the non-English parts anyway, but at least he can sing.

Best. Top. 5. Ever!!

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger Hannah said...

how come they didn't say what was gonna be next week??

 
At 9:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVE this blog. Your recaps are hilarious! I seriously have caught myself belly-laughing over parts of it. And whoo-hoo Kellie is gone! We can all move forward now!

 
At 12:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey,

Do you know you can get an american idol coin which will feature 2 finalists on 2 sides? Well, I got mine from americanidolcoin.com.

C ya.

 

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