Wednesday, March 29, 2006


(half-way live blogging, keep refreshing!!)

It's time to see the results of the worst set of performances ever in the whole history of the show. Seriously, it was wretched last night. I sort of wish we could eliminate the whole lot of them and pick a new Top 10.

Jessica Sierra, my favorite hottie from last year, is in the audience tonight. Good to see she's still doing well and stalker-free.

I wonder if Randy will ever accidentally flip Seacrest the bird while he's doing those gang signs. Paula and Simon are there as usual, and now it's time to move on to the video.

Apparently these Idols stay busy, what with rehearsals and production and all. Seriously, did any of you think they sat around and sipped cocoa all day? I mean, come on, Kellie doesn't even know what cocoa is! I find it funny to watch Bucky getting his eye makeup painted on. There's just not enough foundation in the world to cover that much ugly. Apparently the Idols get to go to a free screening of Ice Age 2, which incidentally is a Fox movie, and this is not in any way an attempt to sell tickets, nor a way to get the Idols to do a commercial with no form of compensation. Also, grass is blue and the sky is green. The Idols are just all one big happy family, y'know. It just warms my heart thinking about it.

After the break, in one of the most non sequitur moves ever, the show will feature Shakira and Wyclef Jean....


Time for another Ford commercial, because we haven't seen enough commercials yet, and Simon Fuller is going to have to finance that spare yacht somehow. Mandisa single-handedly cost Idol any future endorsements from Levi Strauss. These "music videos" are just bad.

Shakira and Wyclef Jean are on stage, and she sure is shaking that booty. I have to admit that I like this song, even though the phrase "hips don't lie" makes my head hurt when I try to make sense of it. Kellie Pickler should take note, because it's a performance like this that could win her the whole competition, even though I know she doesn't know what a "shakira" is. Actually, all the kids need to pay attention, because this is what it looks like to be a real pop star and not just some Creed or George Michael impersonator. So after a little bit of Shakira's hips shaking a few stage hands end up flying across the stage, and Wyclef stage dives right into a Paula mack, then he assaults Simon with headbutts.

Ryan feels guilty watching, because he's having impure thoughts, and it makes him question his sexuality. He never knew Wyclef was so hot!

Time for a recap of the wretchedness last night. Yuck. I need say no more.

It's crunch time. On the bottom row, Mandisa, Chris, Taylor, Paris, and Kellie are all safe. And the Pickler gets another pass.

Someone from the top row will be going home. Who will it be? I know (teehee) but you'll find out after the break!


On the top row, let's see what's up. Elliott is dancing, and he is safe. Lisa is most likely gone, in my opinion. She is in the bottom three. Ace tanked last night, and he is in the bottom three again. One more week for his guy, seriously, and that's it. Katharine or Bucky is the next victim. WHOA.... Katharine's in the bottom three tonight?????? Well I'll be a monkey's red-butted uncle! Still, I think either Ace or Lisa need to be getting ready for their last Idol after-party tonight.

We'll find out who's going where, after the break.


Ace just knows it's him, and you can almost see the pee stain on his jeans. Ace gets to sit back down which leaves Katharine or Lisa in the bottom two. Could it be a shocker tonight?? Simon says that any of the Top 10 could have been in the bottom three because every performance last night was wretched. Ryan reveals his bias when he says "Paula, why do you think Lisa and Katharine are standing here, ESPECIALLY Katharine?" Hmmm... Is that last minute pimpage? Lisa is smiling nervously, because she's already moved past the denial of the fact that she's imminently going home. Kat is not so comfortable with it, but it doesn't matter because Lisa Tucker is going home.

No big surprises here. Lisa wowed me consistently throughout the initial competition, and I thought she could have gone all the way, but things have just imploded in the last few weeks.

I don't care if I ever hear that PUTRID STUPID BAD DAY SONG EVER AGAIN!!! There, I got it out of my system.

Gee whiz, could they possibly pimp Kellie more?? They're giving her a country week next week!?!? I hate you Idol. I hate you so much.

Pickler is grinning like a jackal because Lisa is gone, and she sits there singing her song, because obviously it has to be all about her. At least Paris has the dignity to fake tears for it.

Well, at least they let her finish her song! And that wraps it up for Idol this week. Check back during the week for all kinds of goodies here, and next Tuesday, it's more Idol coverage!


At 5:40 AM, Blogger J.D. said...

I managed to post this only 20 minutes later than usual, so I guess I'll pat myself on the back :)

At 8:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your description of the American Idol Tuesday March 28 performance was not only correct. It was dead on. What went wrong. This was shaping up as a great season with excellent talent in the top 24. Thank you for breaking it down. Now see if you can give them some suggestions to save the show.

I don't blame the contestants. Something is wrong with the whole presentation. The staging stinks. When you can make Shakira look awkward and sound weak, there is something wrong with the stage, the orchestra, the directing....whatever. Help them.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

but, j.d., ryan can't be lusting after wyclef cuz he is dating teri hatcher (um, can you say, "beard" and also, "ewww"?!)

icky -picky looked like a maniac with the hair...

BTW: my underwear better not end up on ebay. i swear, my life is getting so tawdry... i think i am going to stay home and stop answering my phone.

At 1:27 PM, Blogger Michael said...


JD what are you doing with Kristen's underwear. I Love tawdry women. Can I made you the first offer?

At 3:31 PM, Blogger J.D. said...

LOL, I didn't take it, I promise! You'll have to consult Kristin's blog about that.

If I were with Teri Hatcher, I don't know if I'd ever go to work, I'd be too busy spending time with her!

At 5:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

weLL,, im an avid reader of your bLoG,, coz i think this blog is really cool!!! it keeps me updated about the show.. bcoz the show is being aired here 9 hours late... but anyway,, im a FiLipino..*wHoaH* and i just wanna comment about you being harsh on Katharine,, please don't be.. shes a nice girl and a GREAT singer plus she does look like Victoria"pOsh"--from spice girls--.. hehehe,,, but any how.. thank you so much for updating your blog and attaching really cool stuffs about the idols.. let me ask, are you being paid upon doing this?!!?!, hope i can hear some reply,,! tnx so much.. :)

At 6:06 PM, Blogger Hannah said...

JD? harsh? never! lol
(although, he did almost propose to her remeber?)

This is a pretty lame week of American Idol...
i was suprised that Katharine was in the bottom three, but simon was right- any of them could have been.

At 7:43 PM, Blogger Brownsoul said...

Paris was my fav at the beginning but now Elliot has grown on me...and my girl Mandisa is straight up representin'!

You know I think it would have been cute if Elliot would have done one of my favorite's, Musiq's "Just Friends".

I really think that song would have fit his style, and I don't think there would have been a lot of pressure as far a living up to high expectations because mainstream America is not familiar with Musiq Soulchild.

At 8:39 PM, Blogger J.D. said...

Brownsoul, you're talking to someone who has Musiq Soulchild's CD and loves it!

As for you, anonymous, I'm glad you enjoy the blog, and I hope you'll keep coming back! Sorry about Katharine this week! Usually I'm pretty nice to her.

At 1:22 AM, Blogger Kat said...

"in one of the most non sequitur moves ever"

Definitely! Though personally, I would much rather watch the amateurs struggle through cheesy choreography than these particular "professionals." Actually than Barry's song last week too, and I'm a huge fan of his, but on his own stuff. Anyway, I miss the pointy poses!!

Great recaps, as always. Except for your opinion on Bucky, but nobody's perfect. ;)


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