American Idol 6: 8 Contestants Remain

After a better than usual night last night, I'm fairly sure that tonight's results will be somewhat close, though I figure either Haley will be strutting her way back to the strip club or Phil will be heading back to finish his treatments.

I caught this week's issue of People magazine which featured the Top 10 and Haley's legs. Seriously, if you look at the cover, that's about all you can see. Chris Sligh's hair and Haley's legs. It's not a pleasant visual when combined. Oh, and don't you just love how magazines proclaim that people will "tell all" and yet they don't? They don't even tell "most."

Now...on with the show.

Last night they raised the dead and were coached by Tony Bennett. I've caught more than a little crap for saying that Tony Bennett was "old," as though he weren't the combined age of everybody left in the competition, and as though that casts aspersions on his music. I'll admit, I'm not a big fan of his style of music, but people...chill...it's gonna be alright. People can have differing musical tastes without one or the other of them being a complete moron. In any case, you can always click off of my page and go listen to Tony and k.d. lang doing "Moonglow" or something if you don't like what I'm saying. (I do happen to like that particular song.)

The kids sang the standards last night, though I must confess I've never known exactly what these songs were "standard" for. Volume level? Lyrical content? Melody? Who knows? I love that they repeated Paula saying that Blake was a "hip cat," when what she most certainly meant was "hep cat." I love it when people use words that they don't really know, yet use them with enthusiasm. Sanjaya completely failed to grasp that Simon was saying "incredible" in the hopes of getting him voted off. Gina was good, Phil was bad, and Sanjaya was ugly. And the brightest of all? Melinda. Neck or no neck, I love my Tennessee girl.

On to the Car-Mercial and here's Gina driving a beater Jeep. She is looking a lot better lately. The remaining Idols are singing the most watered down reggae version of "One Love" that I've ever heard. I hope that some of them get used to washing cars, because I have a feeling that several of them will be returning to that line of work very shortly. (This means you, Sanjaya.) Kermit the Frog makes another appearance, though Gina doesn't rate as high as Katharine McPhee, in the sense of actually getting to sit with Mr. The Frog. And another video ends with me still not being motivated to buy a Ford. Ever.

Ryan reminds us that WE, yes WE, certainly NOT someone the producers have pre-selected, NO couldn't be that, get to write the winner's song this week.

Time to find out who the Bottom Three are. They've been divided into groups of three: the bottom, the middle and the top. If you need it explained any further beyond that then raise your hand and I'll come around and hit you with a tack hammer because you're a retard. (Thanks, David Spade!)

The first group is Beat-Boxing Blake, Wanna-Give-Him-A-Swirly Chris, and Why-Oh-Why Sanjaya. I kinda doubt this group is the bottom.

The second group is RoboLegs, Rockin' Gina, and I-Want-To-Suck-Your-Blood Phil. This has got to be the bottom group.

On to, undoubtedly, the top group, Cute Jordin, American Idol 2007 Melinda, and Baby Mamma LaKisha. Sit down divas. You're safe. Ryan fakes us out by preparing to go to commercial, and then in the most anticlimactic moment in all of television history, he sits them down. Blake, Sanjaya and Chris go to the chairs too.

That leaves Gina, Butterface, and Lurch Jr. onstage. This time, we'll go to break for real.

Back from break, Ryan takes us to the brain strain question of the week. Which A.I. finalist was jokingly referred to as Kevin Covais? Oops. I mean, as Chicken Little. Sheesh, can't we leave that kid alone? Hasn't he been in every question so far this year?

I am wondering exactly how I am going to make fun of "Idol Gives Back" without sounding like a jerk. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

Tony Bennett can't perform tonight, because he died five years ago, but you can still go buy his CD. Hey, if 2pac and Jimi Hendrix can do it, so can he. Instead, Michael Buble will be filling in. Man, you know David Radford is sitting at home right now wetting himself, wishing he would've waited a year to audition so he could meet Mike. I can totally dig this performance, by the way. I've always liked Michael Buble, and I really really like this tonight. So I'm going to stop typing, sit, and enjoy this. Talk amongst yourselves.

Wow, Michael Buble hearts Antonella Barba? Do we have a love connection here?

And now it's back to the Circle of Doom. Haley, Gina, and Phil sweat it out as one of them goes back to safety. Phil goes back to safety. Let's hope that we've seen the last of Legs.

Randy thinks America got it right. Paula does too, but she'll never say so. Simon ain't shocked either. Gina deserves to stay.

And apparently sex still sells, so Gina Glocksen will be going home. This is a flat out travesty, by the way. Haley is NOT better than Gina. And I hate Sanjaya even more because of this. I've been cheering Gina on for two seasons now, and I promise you, I'll do my best to follow her career on past this.

Best performance she ever had, and she goes home. Unbelievable.

San-FRIGGIN'-jaya. Sundance Head. Brandon Rogers. Chris Sligh. Gina Glocksen. Yet that little turd is still there. If you voted for Sanjaya, I hate you.