Tuesday, May 09, 2006


As many of you know I received very disturbing news last night right after Elliott's first song about one of my best friends who has discovered that he has cancer. As you can imagine, I was saddened greatly by this, and as a result, I just didn't have it in me to tell jokes or be humorous last night. However, this morning I have decided to give it another go. I want to thank those of you here at Musical Ramblings and also at the Official A.I. boards who have expressed their concern and sympathies. It means a great deal to me, and I hope those of you who pray will continue to keep him in your prayers.

And with that, on with the recap!

Ok, other than the obvious, I should so totally be in my element tonight. The Idols came to my town, met the King and his house and his family, and tonight they'll be singing my city's songs.

Let the snarkiness begin!

First, though, you can all beat me, because I didn't get to make it out to Graceland to meet the Idols. Yes, I know, I'm a complete and total failure, but some of us do have to work and/or sleep at times, sometimes both at the same time. Besides, the local news here has showed so much of it, I feel like I was practically there already. According to the recent news footage, I could've gone hang-gliding in Kat's cleavage. That one is really starting to show the skin!

I have been to Graceland a few times, though, and it is an amazing place. It's a beautiful house, no doubt, and smack dab in the middle of the ghetto. Seriously, you don't want to get two blocks away from Graceland. I used to live literally two streets over from Elvis's house, and it was a cacophony of gunfire and police sirens all night long. Still, though, I recommend it as a tourist stop if ever you're going through Memphis. Just don't wander too far!

Alright, on with the show!

(live blogging, keep refreshing!!)

In two weeks, we'll see the showdown for the finale! It's hard to believe it's almost over! In any case, this...is...American Idol!

Seacrest has the gray pinstripes on tonight, complete with vest and all. So denim is completely out of the wardrobe, even if he isn't completely out of the closet.

Time to meet the judges again, and yet again Randy and Paula boo Simon. I saw a man sleep for 16 hours once, and until now that was the most tired thing I'd ever seen. And what is with Randy this year? I know he had the gastric bypass, but do you think his doctors ask him not to tell anybody anymore? I mean, he's still steadily gaining land mass to the point where Seacrest is struggling not to fly off stage and start orbiting him.

We are introduced to this week's inspiration, the original American Idol Elvis Presley They give us a shot of Elvis' racquetball court and the window next to the crapper where Elvis pooped his last. Y'all gotta admit, that's gotta be the worst way to die. I'm cool with dying during skydiving or rock-climbing or whatever, but I hope that my last breath isn't drawn while I'm trying to squeeze out a long one.

Seriously, though, I do have great respect for Elvis's career though. Without the King, music would not be what it is today. Elvis Presley was generous almost to a fault, also. He contributed to many worthwhile causes, gave away a lot of his possessions, and always gave to the city he loved, good ol' Memphis TN.

Priscilla Presley looks a bit rough, though, these days. Her plastic surgery and collagen implants sort of make her look like she's been whacked in the face with a shovel and swollen up really badly. Seriously, Pris, who's your plastic surgeon, Dr. Mengala? I mean, either you've just gone twelve rounds with Magilla, or you need to sue somebody and fast. And the red hair? C'mon Priscilla, let's age gracefully, shall we? I remember she was the picture of sexy during the Naked Gun films. Now she looks more like Leslie Nielsen.

Tommy Motolla has given us acts like J-Lo, Destiny's Child, and Mariah Carey's Nervous Breakdown. Most of you will remember him for being married to Mariah, back before she turned into a trashy skeeze. Look for Randy Jackson to mention that he's worked with Tommy at leat once tonight. I'm not sure which room that is that he's meeting the Idols in, but it looks like it's one of the rooms at the front of the house that are usually cordoned off so that people can't walk through them. Then again, when I see it at a different angle, it just might be a shot from the racquetball house.

Taylor Hicks is up first. If anybody should be at home with this material, it's the Birmingham Kid. He's going to be singing "Jailhouse Rock." Elvis had some ugly curtains. I'm just sayin'. Tommy kicks the song up a key, and Taylor gets it started. Taylor gets a lot of Elvis's moves down, sort of, but he still manages to make it look like he's the retarded kid in ballet class. This is a song I know well, and while Taylor LOOKS a lot like Elvis, he doesn't have the deep, rich vocal tone that the King did. As a result, his singing sounds shallow and superficial in comparison. He does bring the right level of energy to the song, and he really seems to be connecting with the song on all the right bases. Randy thinks he's in his element and did a good job. Paula can't wait to gush. There are practically gush marks forming around her mouth, and I think at this point that Paula has evolved into an animated character. Judging by the glaze in her eyes, I think she might just agree with me. Simon thinks, in the real world, that that was a terrible interpretation of Elvis. The dancing was atrocious, and it was karaoke with a capital K. Taylor continuously shouts "Soul Patrol" which is ranking right up there with "Pick Pickler" in the annoyance factor at this point. I have to say, Taylor's vocal was not great. As always, you can't fault his showmanship, but showmanship does not an album make.

After the break, Chris and Elliott...


Chris Daughtry is up, and it's time for the pimp chat. He goes through the names of his multiple fan groups. Apparently his fans send him junk food and cologne, but he clears up all of our burning questions by affirming that yes, indeed, he wears boxer briefs. Okay, I think I need to go wash my hands now. Chris is going to sing my favorite Elvis song, "Suspicious Minds." Tommy encourages him to dig into his vocal sound and really reach for it. I also add, Chris, please don't sing like a wounded cat with a car parked on its crotch. Chris has the look tonight, and he actually sounds good on this song. I like how he's using the stage. Seriously, this is the performance I've been waiting for Chris to give. I love it. Randy thinks it was nice, but doesn't think it was his best vocal performance. Paula thinks he made the song great and that she will see him in the finale. Simon doesn't like the sunglasses but says that the song worked. Ryan makes some weak joke about "hybrids," which are apparently boxer-briefs. I didn't know that.

Elliott Yamin is lettin' that hair grow out. Tommy doesn't want his song to sound like a bar mitzvah song. I like Elliott in a suit. My mom complained last week about me calling him ugly, so I'm not going to say he's ugly. I'm not going to say that he looks like he came here from the auditions at Fraggle Rock. I'm so not going to say it. As for his performance, what can I say? Loved it. It's good stuff. He's a killer singer. And I like his suit. Randy thinks he laid it out and that it was hot. Paula thinks it's the best vocal performance he's done this entire season. He made it his own, whatever that means. Simon thinks he came in as the underdog, but that he has thus far been the best performer.

After the break, Kat...


We come back to a crane shot of Seacrest in the audience. Ryan is shilling Idol ring tones. If you purchase these, then please drop by my house, because I have a wedgie to hand out to you because you are a dork.

Katharine McPhee bounces and jiggles around as she tries to learn "Hound Dog." Oh my goodness, she's channeling Pickler and being nasal. Tommy liked her though, so she must have something. Kat's starting out on the risers this time, flaunting her best "here's-my-booty-please-look-at-it" jeans. She lays all over the judges' table before going back on stage. I mean, I guess she's doing okay on this song, but it's just not one of those songs that showcase a good vocal. When she does the transition into "All Shook Up," it's kind of awkward. And here is the key moment for me. I hope you all noticed it. When she sang the lyrics "I'm itching like a girl in a fuzzy tree" she actually reached down and made a scratching motion near her crotch. Excuse me, I was eating, but now I have to go barf. No more Crabby Patties for me. Overall, this song just isn't working. Bear in mind that I've always like Kat, but I ain't feelin' it. Randy thinks it was fun, but he points out where Kat forgot the lyrics. Paula thought it was really fun. Simon was reminded of a desperate manic (insert boo here) audition. He doesn't like it. Kat's all like wow, didn't see that comin'.

After the break, Taylor and Chris again...


We're back, and Taylor's in the Coke pimp chat spot. Taylor enjoyed Graceland. He particularly enjoyed driving in the golf carts with Lisa Marie, especially when she took them out of the gate and began tearing down the street. In a golf cart. Snails were passing them. Actually, Elvis used to do the same thing a lot when he was alive. He'd take three wheelers or dirtbikes or whatever and ride up and down what is now known as Elvis Presley Boulevard. Of course Elvis was hopped up on painkillers. Who knows what Lisa Marie was on? I mean, c'mon y'all, this IS the girl that married Michael Jackson. Taylor is singing "In the Ghetto." Tommy thinks he should feel the song, not dance, and stop saying "woo." Taylor's head then explodes. I guess the vocal is okay, but for some reason he sounds like Michael Bolton. There's definitely quality there, but it always seems strained. I don't know if this is because Taylor stands like he's got two killer charlie horses going on, but it's definitely not solid. The guy from Prison Break liked it though. Randy thinks this is the kind of record Taylor should make. Hey, Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum with hair) is in the audience! Paula likes it. Freakin' duh. Simon thinks Taylor has sung his way into the Top 2. Soul Patrol, Soul Patrol...oh shut it already.

Chris Daughtry is going to be performing "A Little Less Conversation." Tommy wants him to identify with the lyrics. The first few bars are excellent for me. I'm not altogether used to hearing him sing in the lower register. I will give Chris props for not shouting his songs tonight. I feel like I'm getting to hear a newer, better side of him tonight. He kicks it up an octave in the closing portion, but he manages to keep it out of alt-rock-1999 territory until the absolute very end. Randy thinks it was hot. Paula touches her face a lot, possibly to feel the Jagermeister swishing around in her cheeks. Simon thinks the first song was better, but that this one was just okay. Ryan stares at Chris for a moment and says "we got a hot race" all of a sudden, which just is going to give all the people calling him gay SO much more ammo.

After the break, Elliott...


Elliott Yamin is up and singing "Trouble." Tommy thinks Elliott is real. He wants to show a wild side of himself tonight, though if he really wanted to do that, all he'd have to do is chew through a log and build a dam. Admit it, you could totally see that happen. I love his singing, though. Three words come to mind: blue eyed soul. As far as I'm concerned, after tonight, nobody can talk about Elliott not being able to sing or not having a personality. This is as good as it gets, people. Wow. Yes. Randy thinks it was Elliott's best performance ever. Paula finally sits down, and she amends her previous statement to match Randy's. Simon thinks Elliott deserves to go through to the next round. Elliott is truly the most improved performer this year. Ryan goes for a dig on Paula since nothing is readily available to hurl at Simon, and he accuses her of doing an exotic dance. C'mon, Ryan, you know how it is, you get three, four, five, twenty drinks in a girl, she's gonna get up and work it! Simon scolds Ryan for real this time.

After the break, Kat...


Katharine McPhee is going to sing "Can't Help Falling In Love." Tommy exhorts Katharine to emote and connect emotionally to the song, and suddenly all over America you can hear the cacophonous sounds of every single person in this country nodding their heads "yes" vehemently. Seriously, Katharine smiles in all these tragic songs, and it's gotten to be a total joke. She appears to understand, but we'll see whether she actually connects with the lyrics onstage. She gets no more than three words into the song before her mouth wrenches free and starts smiling, as though her teeth were threatening to revolt against the rest of her body if her lip corners didn't turn upwards. Stop smiling Kat! Stop it stop it stop it!!! She's a bit flat too. Oh, Kat...dear sweet Kat... tonight just might be the end of it for you. That was McPhlatulence. Randy thinks it was better than the first song but that it had pitchy problems. Paula babbles some nonsense. Simon lets out a puff of air, and says it hasn't been a good night for Kat. He calls it over-the-top. Kat stares daggers at him, and she knows as well as anybody that she's booking a plane home this week.

MY PREDICTIONS: quite simply, Kat is leaving us this week.

So the night's over. I appreciate you all waiting patiently for me to get this done, and I hope you enjoy it. Most of all, look around at the ones you love, tell them all you love them, and enjoy them, because you never know when life will happen and they might be gone. One love, y'all.


At 9:00 PM, Blogger Michael said...

Hey JD.

Who gives a Rat's A** about your American Idol post.. Tend to the important things in Life like your Friend and PRAYER. Hey you have my personal stuff so if you want someone to agree with you in prayer or anything let me know.

At 9:34 PM, Anonymous thekytikat said...

Ouch JD... I've been following your AI posts all season, funny stuff.. but take some time.. talk to your friend...

At 10:26 PM, Anonymous bach_ngoc17 said...

I liked this one better than last week for sure, much more your style.

Too bad about your friend.

Best wishes to your friend!!

At 10:40 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend...thoughts are with you.

At 11:23 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

Aw man. I'm so sorry. Was actually taking notes of my own thoughts related to yours but when I got to the end, I realized they are so unworthy now.

I've been dealing with some guilt in the last few days about posting my normal 'here's my cute family' stuff on my blog. I haven't yet mentioned some friends of ours who lost their almost 2 year old baby this week. I don't know if you were reading any of my blog stuff a few weeks back where ANOTHER family we are friends with ALSO lost their baby. I wrote more about Carson than I have about Anna Kate but honestly...it's just been too exhausting to go through it again. How selfish of me, huh?

Anyway, all of that is to say that I totally understand about not finishing your blog report. Some things can really knock the wind out of our sails, can't it?

But please remember...and remind your friend...THERE IS HOPE!!!!

Keep us posted.

At 11:51 PM, Blogger Kat said...

So sorry for the news; will be praying.

At 11:25 AM, Blogger Kat said...

"McPhlatulence"? Bwah!!

Glad to see someone agree about Elliott's "Trouble." One of the top performances (by anyone) this season IMO.

At 9:28 PM, Blogger bad kitty said...

Oh jd, I'm so very sorry about your friend. Take some time to be there for him - he will appreciate it so much, even if he is unable to tell you this. Your devoted fans will keep you and your friend in our thoughts and extend our warmest wishes to you both!


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