ASHLEE SIMPSON HOSPITALIZED

In her quest to find yet other new ways to choke, Ashlee Simpson fell ill in an elevator after performing in Tokyo yesterday (December 15) after telling the audience she wasn't feeling well and leaving the stage. No word yet as to the former 7th Heaven star's condition or whether it was caused by her latest single "Boyfriend." After all, it sure made us here at Musical Ramblings download into the porcelain throne. But don't worry too much, Ashlee fans. It could be worse, right? At least there's no hint at lip-synching here, and she didn't get booed off the stage (at least not in English.)

We here at Musical Ramblings usually try not to take too much of a stance or be too critical of the musically inept (unless your last name is Spears or Federline) but we are forced to wonder just how much longer the circus that is the Simpson family can continue. The 15 minutes of fame for each of them have long since expired, and we are concerned that their further celebrity may be stealing 15 minutes away from thousands of other people.

Ashlee, in particular, seems a sad case. It must be difficult being Skipper to Jessica's Barbie. Jessica hasn't put out an album in quite some time, but the quality of her worst one far outstrips (no pun intended) some of Ashlee's best performances. Ashlee's first album was wretched at best, and the single "La La" seems to be a contender for Song Most Likely To Be Played In Hell Throughout Eternity. Her second album, I Am Me, (dubbed "The Boob Album" due to the obvious emphasis of the cover picture) is complete garbage. At least Jessica has a good voice with several passable singles. (We're going to, for the moment, ignore Nick Lachey's efforts. Please, don't throw money, just tip your waitresses.)

And as though the albums weren't bad enough, Ashlee had the whole Saturday Night Live debacle and the still-resounding Orange Bowl booing. It appeared she would collapse into a puddle of shame as security escorted her from the stadium as the crowd lustily booed her lackluster performance.

As for her current illness, we've learned very little at this point. She's been hospitalized, and that's all we know.

On the up side, her scheduled performance at the Radio Music Awards on Monday has been cancelled. Hooray for small favors.

For those of you who wish to be further entertained by the Ashlee train wreck, there's also the video of her drunk at 1:30 AM at a McDonald's. Ashlee can be seen disrespecting the staff, climbing up on the counter, calling the cashier the B-word, refusing to take a picture with a fan after the fan refused to kiss her foot in order to be allowed the "privilege," and telling the fan "f*** you."

Lovely. Just lovely. Get well soon, Ashlee. And when you do get better, do yourself a favor and find another line of work. I hear McDonald's is hiring.